Compliment-ary!

There is a right and a wrong way to give compliments . In fact, there is a way that is very very right, and a way that is very very wrong.

Some guys will tell you not to give compliments at all, but giving compliments can be a very powerful technique when done right.

Wrong Compliments

The wrong sort of compliments come from a place of perceived lower value.

This is how some of us compliment chicks. They say "You're so pretty" or "You're so clever" and the subcommunication is "I hope someone like you could be interested in me!"

Proper Compliments

Conversely, proper compliments actually subcommunicate higher value. They should come from a position of authority and imply a unique quality or commonality.

The proper structure for an effective compliment is:

1. Compliment "that's a great scarf"
2. Qualify the compliment "it matches your mascara and shoes, I like that"
3. Challenge her or enquire "did you choose it yourself?"

Some examples:

• "You're very confident... I like that in a girl... How did you get to be like that?"
• "Nice dreadlocks!... They must have taken ages... Aren't they hard to clean?"

WILKY's - Why I LiKe You's

A good way to think about compliments is as a WILKY's

When to give compliments

In general, you want to give compliments only when the person is sufficiently receptive. This will usually mean "not straight away".

If you feel that the person thinks your value is way higher than his/hers, then you need to qualify him/ her, and compliments are a good way to do this.

Opening with Compliments

One way to give compliments early on is as an opener, and it's a great exercise to see if you can make these work. The important thing is to be non-reaction-seeking.

1. Compliment her - "nice dreadlocks", "cool shoes", "I like your earrings", in a totally casual, confident, non-reaction seeking way.
2. Backturn, turn back to your friend, look away, disregard. If it's a server at a bar I'll roll right into ordering without waiting for a response "cool-earrings-could-I-have-three-pints-of-Ale-please"
3. Wait for her to re-open. Depending on how you turn away she'll tug on your arm or casually swing into view. If she doesn't re-open you, it's probably because she's shy. Re-open her later with "hey, cool-shoes-girl" or whatever