reality-revised-rewritten: May 2010

The Art of Dying came to me whenever my flight landed in Mangalore...my home town, my birth place, the place where my memories are, the place where my heart belongs.

You see, Mangalore airport is located on a hill top which has been flattened to accommodate a runway , and therefore it has a shorter than usual runway, almost 1/4th shorter.

A pilot once told me that the shorter runway on top of the hill made it some what tricky to land.

You could always feel the added violence whenever a plane landed in Mangalore.

The deceleration was harsher, the brakes were more jarring and the tires screeched louder than in other places.

At these times, I used to wonder what it would mean if the plane crashed and if we all died.

Would I be ready to leave everything behind?

In a world of uncertainty...am I still clinging on to things that I have no control over?

And It finally happened.

Although not to me...

and I feel sad.

My heart feels heavy even though the loss is not mine.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Welcome to my World, welcome to my parlour

Here's a lie that will cheer you up...You're single only because of your insanely high standards that no person can possibly match.

Yeah...right.

Please keep saying that to yourself.

It takes the edge off being lonely.

But don't worry...you are not alone...(snicker)...millions more are alone just like you.

But relax.

Here's a great myth that everyone, amazingly, believes: that everyone else is happy, having fun, living life, and you, all alone, are miserable. That everyone is out there, having amazing glorious sex, while you must content yourself with internet porn.

This isn’t true. Most people are in the exact same spot as you are. And those ‘glorious unions’ you see everywhere? Most of them are simply scared of being alone, so they go off and grab the nearest available person. The others are 'lying' together with vanity.

The big secret is that happy people aren’t as happy as they appear. Many happy people are actually covering up their real problems. But what do you do? You see one of these ‘happy’ people and then you get unhappy at them! You make yourselves miserable as you arrow nasty thoughts from your mind at them, and they don’t even know you.

You think, “It must be nice to be happy. They were born to the right parents, to the right environment. I wish I was like them. I wish I grew up where they did.” You think, “I have all these great qualities about myself. Why can’t someone see it?” Well, no one sees it because they are too worried about themselves.People are not ignoring you; they too are worried about themselves.

I say this because I used to know this girl, who appeared deliriously happy all the time, whenever I was there.

I later came to know that it was an act she used to put up for me.

(Why? I don't know)

She'd break down and crumble as soon as I left.Apparently, she confessed later, that it took a lot of effort and energy to keep up the act.

The strange thing was she wasn't doing this to impress me.

She didn't even like me in the first place.

Her world was a lie.

SO WHAT?

I've changed a lot.

Once upon a time, I was so busy caught up in playing the role of misunderstood loner that I forgot that it was just a role, a make believe persona.

I was caught up in the web of my world, the world of my construct, and no one else was allowed in.

It caused many misunderstandings.People thought I was stuck up...one person even told me that I was arrogant.

I was not.

I was only masking my shyness the best way I could.

People tell me I've changed each time I meet them.

Apparently, people try to define everyone else they meet.We do it all the time.

We try to place people in nicely cut slots to mark where they go.

Most people are static. A year from now, they will probably look the same, act the same, and be the same. But if you are in a state of flux, easily done through a self-improvement (or self-discovery if you will), every slot they try to stick you in will fail.

This is what one girl told me.

She told me that I elude definition.

She tried to put me in a slot and I wouldn't fit there, rather I'd seem to fit there only at certain times and not always...she told me that she eventually gave up.

BTW, she likes me...I mean I've seen girls, and I've seen her...she's the only one who willingly spends a lot of money on international calls.That's right she calls me.

A lot.

Interestingly she has a boyfriend.(or HAD...as she sometimes tells me...I don't know when she's telling the truth any more, and I don't care)

I don't understand her.

But I've stopped trying to understand women.

To me understanding women was a competition based on a fallacy.

A fallacy that women understand men.

A fallacy that women have a better understanding of people all the time.

What a crock of bullshit!

A girl scoffed at me once.

She said men can never understand women the way women understand men.

She told me that she understood men very well.Her tone was sarcastic and bitter.

Remember this.When a woman tells you that she understands men,she's telling you that she understands how to manipulate them.

She was a beautiful girl once, and I assume had many men after her,but I bet that to her surprise she failed!

She failed miserably in attracting a man she fell in love with. I suspect she fell in love with him in the first place because she could not get his attention.That drove her vanity to the edge and she fell in love.

(I confirmed it later...she did fall in love with an older man who acted as if she did not exist)

She woke me up.

Or rather her shattered self worth and self confidence woke me up.

If she , who claimed to know all men could fail, then she knew nothing.

I no longer believe that either sexes know anything about each other.

At least not in the way they want to.

These days I'm no longer worried about what people think about me.

You've read my posts...Do you think I would have written what I have if I was afraid of people?

If I've said that I have changed a lot that would be a lie too.

My core, my essence has not changed much.

I still inhabit a world of my own... for it is of my own construct and liking.The only difference is I let more people into my world.I let them decide.

For example, I tell I show people what I write...because what I write is reality-revised and rewritten...it is my world, reconstructed.

I let them explore my world and let them decide whether to immerse themselves more or simply disengage.

But If they want to enter my world,then it would be at my terms...for my world is my sanctuary, my safe haven, it is hallowed grounds, and meant to be treated that way.

I like to engage people in my world...I call all my friends to my home...meet my family,see my place,get a feel of it, and enter my world.

But I'm selfish.I demand equality.Other worlds and elsewheres are interesting.

So the principle of Quid Pro Quo applies.

I show you mine, you show me yours...so as to speak.

Most of my friendships have broken because of inequality.

So with that I invite you officially...

Welcome to my world...welcome to my parlour...take a look around......feel free to browse...but no touching the merchandise...and if you break it , you buy it...and I'll let you know when the closing time is...and if I like you, you might just get to stay a little longer.

Thank You.

Come Again.

Monday, May 17, 2010

My memories will haunt you

I finally found my story...

This poem has been in my head for more than a year now...and I knew that I had to resolve it, and the only way to do it was to write a story...but I never got the plot.

Today, in a flash, the plot presented itself to me...and I'm delirious with joy...that i can finally write what I intended to write.

"What Happened to All the Nice Guys?"

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/483318927.html
Yes Indeed...WTF happened to them?

Sunday, May 16, 2010

If I thought I knew you...

Is it possible for one human being to achieve perfect understanding of another?

We can invest enormous time and energy in serious efforts to know another person, but in the end, how close can we come to that person's essence?

We convince ourselves that we know the other person well, but do we really know anything important about anyone?

Body cells replace themselves every month. Even at this very moment. Most everything you think you know about me is nothing more than memories.

It's the same for you.

You are no longer the same person you were a few days ago.

You are a stranger.

And I don't know you any more.

Not knowing you is like feeling a pain, like a frozen knife stuck in my chest.

An awful pain, but the funny thing is I'm thankful for it.

It's like that frozen pain and my very existence are one.

The pain is an anchor, mooring me here

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Stop being so cruel mumbai...its not normal for anyone to lose 3 kilos in a month.

A little bit of both...

Men who pursue a multitude of women fit neatly into two categories. Some seek their own subjective and unchanging dream of a woman in all women. Others are prompted by a desire to possess the endless variety of the objective female world.

The obsession of the former is lyrical: what they seek in women is themselves, their ideal, and since an ideal is by definition something that can never be found, they are disappointed again and again. The disappointment that propels them from woman to woman gives their inconstancy a kind of romantic excuse, so that many sentimental women are touched by their unbridled philandering.

The obsession of the latter is epic, and women see nothing the least bit touching in it: the man projects no subjective ideal on women, and since everything interests him, nothing can disappoint him. This inability to be disappointed has something scandalous about it. The obsession of the epic womanizer strikes people as lacking in redemption (redemption by disappointment).

Because the lyrical womanizer always runs after the same type of woman, we even fail to notice when he exchanges one mistress for another. His friends perpetually cause misunderstandings by mixing up his lovers and calling them by the same name.

In pursuit of knowledge, epic womanisers turn away from conventional feminine beauty, of which they quickly tire, and inevitably end up as curiosity collectors. They are aware of this and a little ashamed of it, and to avoid causing their friends embarrassment, they refrain from appearing in public with their mistresses.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

'Starving yogi' astounds Indian scientists

http://www.physorg.com/news192690076.html

Friday, May 7, 2010

I Try...Mr.Rushdie, but I don't know where I'll end up.

"Go for broke. Always try and do too much.

Dispense with safety nets.

Take a deep breath before you begin talking.

Aim for the stars.

Keep grinning.

Be bloody-minded.

Argue with the world.

And never forget that writing is as close

as we get to keeping a hold on the

thousand and one things--childhood,

certainties, cities, doubts, dreams, instants,

phrases, parents, loves--that go on slipping

like sand, through our fingers."

— Salman Rushdie

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Beautiful women can be bad for your health, according to scientists - Telegraph

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/7668344/Beautiful-women-can-be-bad-for-your-health-according-to-scientists.html
Thank you for being ugly...Now SHOO !

Monday, May 3, 2010

The Art of Dying

"Death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it."

— Haruki Murakami

Practice the art of dying everyday.

As soon as you wake up...prepare to take your last breath...expire and let go.

Imagine...vividly...

how it feels to die,

as you free fall backwards

and let the world go by,

and know how liberating it feels

for you are no longer encumbered

by the ties of your past

and all the hopes

of your future...

learn to be still...

so still

that your heart beats no more

your blood slows through the veins

a sheet of silence covers you from head to toe

and time stretches to infinity

Let go of all the old memories- good and bad, let go of all the past associations,all the pain and hurt,all your joy and accomplishments, all your relationships- successful and not so successful, all your doubts and fears.

One has to come to grips with the paradox of learning to let go, of learning to free oneself, of learning to die to - live a better, wholesome, more satisfying life.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Buzz Kill

It seems like have lost my energy to write these days.

What I have been posting recently were stuff that I had written while on board my last ship.

Today I discovered that I had nothing left that was decently finished enough to post.

If you are waiting for me ...please don't...I don't know how long this phase will last.

But I'm also having the time of my life!

I feel like I've just come alive!

So it might be that I have completed this phase of my life, and have started the next one...where I'm equally passionate in doing what I find exciting.

Having said that, the writer inside me will never die...that hidden person will make his comebacks from time to time when his need will be most felt...most felt by me, not you...sorry...I was never much of a mind reader.

But I'm still here...cheering for you, as always, as usual...

So don't forget...and keep on walking...for our journey of an infinite miles has just begun.