Fatso: Ortho-Tyranosaurus Rex

Mom read something on the net about a new health crisis, and sent it over to me.

Orthorexia!

People who are too healthy or obsessed with being too healthy!

These are the very same people who go out to a restaurant only to eat salad, and top it off with a mouthful of mineral water, while you're having the entire menu as the  entree`.

Then they give you that look...the look of concealed disgust and pity...a pity that goes 'tch tch' in your face.You know that although they wanted to, they  haven't yet said 'oink oink' to your face yet.

These are the same people who advocate vegetarianism as a cure it all for cancer, constipation or a colorectomy.

These are the same people constantly yak nonstop about exotic food supplements and wonder drugs with miraculous effects.

I mean how do you know if  Yohimbe is something like Nintendo?

These are the same people who stuff exercise advice down your throat when you are happily noshing on a bag of doritos.

The high and mighty and the know it all...with nauseating self righteousness around them.

Oh how you hate them.

Oh how you want to stuff butter chicken down their throats and see them enjoy it, and get fat, and cry bitterly.

But mom, am I an orthorexic?

Sure I'm a picky eater...but that's because our entire family is made of picky eaters.

Sure I'm a vegetarian...but only because the rest of the family is vegetarian.

Sure I like to exercise...But that's only because the rest of the family exercises a lot.

Sure I like to read about healthy living...but that's only because the rest of the family does it, all the time.

Mom...do you think...I have become some kind of a Monster...Orthotyranosauraus Rex...a tyrant king orthorexic ?

If so, know that you have created this monster...a monster with sculpted pecs,bulging biceps,washboard abs,teardrop quads and glutes you can bounce a coin off.You are responsible.Yes YOU!

Mom, I may be a monster, but don't I deserve happiness? 

Then stop accusing me of taking supplements and protein shakes to grow into a grotesque muscular hulk that you so readily despise.

For the last time, I'm not taking any supplements...They are expensive crap that will ultimately damage the body...C'mon Mom! you know that I know better.