Thursday, August 2, 2007

I wish I had a bigger butt : The incredible shrinking 'Me'

"Son , you look thin ! So thin ! Haven't you been eating anything ? Are you sick ?"

"Mom " I say " You always say that .I've not lost weight .And No , I''m hale and hearty thank You"

"But son , you look so gaunt , so skeletal , like one of those unfortunate kids from somalia "

"No mom , I may have lost a bit of weight , but not so much !"

The same story replays when my best friend comes over.

"Hell ! WTF man , are you sick or something ?" he asks.There is genuine concern in his eyes.
I'm embarrassed.I say "No man , its bombay thats killing me slowly , I think "

Later that night , out of habit I go and weigh myself.

I weigh...

(Holy Shit !)

I've lost 4 kilos !
I'm a pathetic 58 kg for my 5 foot 9 inch body !No wonder Mom thought I was sick.

You see , if I were the female of my species , I'd probably be jumping around , shouting , screaming and telling the world that I had just lost 4 kilos.But no , this was bad news , because it meant that I had lost a lot of muscle mass .

Yeah , as I have written before , according to some site , my body fat percentage is 7 % .
Thats less... way too less !

Sometimes I wish , I was bigger ...you know , sometimes I wish I had a bigger butt, something like J'lo's .
Hey , it sure beats having a scrawny ass to which all my trousers and jeans stick on to like oil on teflon !

The problem with being thin is I can't wear clothes of my size.I actually have to alter my size 30 jeans to size 28 , because size 28 jeans are too short for me.Having a thin and scrawny ass has other disadvantages...You can never be comfortable sitting ...your bones get no cushioning ...there's hardly any fat.
Also , my body is top heavy ...a size 40 shirt and a size 28 waist , makes me look disproportionately huge , oh yeah , makes my legs look longer too !People think I'm a soldier , and sometimes an anorexic body builder !

And add to my woes the fact that I have to exercise and keep exercising in order to increase my weight .If I  stop exercising , I slide all the way back to 60 kilos or my new low , which is 58.

Yeah , I wish I had a bigger butt...the J'Lo 's "la guitarra" model would be fine.Atleast for once , my pants will stay on without belts and buckles , and I'll be able to keep my dignity without worrying too much about my pants falling off !

Right now , I'm on a weight gain diet.Imagine that !
A diet to gain weight !
But there's a problem.
I'm a vegetarian , I hate eating oily stuff or sweets or junk food...in fact I hate eating !
Eating is something I do only to live and I take no pleasure in it.
But I must eat ... to get back some mass in my body.What's the point anyway ? I'm going to lose all of my weight as soon as I go to bombay or as soon as I go onboard my next ship.

Nope .I'll try .And I'll succeed !

Target : J'Lo's Butt .
Actions taken : change of diet, Eating 7-8 meals a day , exercising(free weights), protein shakes, dry fruits and sweets , lots of chocolates (Oh Yeah ! )



Consequences : For once , myabe I dont have to pull my pants up when they slip down, maybe I'll be free from belts and buckles, maybe it will be more comfortable to sit down on a hard surface now that my derrierre has more meat than bones , and maybe ...just maybe people will stop thinking that I'm not sick or anorexic.


P.s. I've gained a kilo  in a week after an intensive weight gain program :)

5 comments:

  1. whoa. talk about crazy metabolism.

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  2. Yaay ! I've gained 2 kgs !
    I'm 60 !
    Target : 64 kg.

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  3. try havin bananas..... u'll reach ur target faster....

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  4. Bananas , dry fruits , chocolates and cakes ...I'm having it all !
    Thanx for the advice !

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  5. u r soo lucky....u can hav chocolates n ice creams without any guilt!!!!!!!!!!

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