Ghosts are Real

Excerpts from "Ask The Barber "

I like her. She doesn't like me.Please help me...

If this is the case, either one of you has made a mistake in assessing your
intuition, or she is a neurotic mess who doesn't understand her feelings.
If you have ever found yourself drawn to someone who felt nothing for you, it is
most likely because you were hung up on her universal appeal, or you had an
experiential bias, or she had personal appeal but there was no biological connection. A
woman has fewer distractions so she is more in touch with the lacking biological
connection than your average man, so this type of relationship is unfortunately common
between a man and a woman.
And you must learn how to avoid this.

Experiential Bias

The concept is simple: Human beings cannot experience things properly without
an appropriate frame of context. So in any given situation, we are drawing on our past
experiences in order to understand the current one.
As a result, it's no wonder we find ourselves drawn to people who remind us of our
biggest heart-break, or attracted to people on television who resemble a painful crush.
Though this type of attraction may feel very emotional, it is only our memory at
work, and sometimes our logical mind as well. It is the part of our mind which searches
for context in order to experience.
In general, it is probably best to avoid people who remind us of former loves and
even to avoid developing types. This is a chaotic world filled with billions of individuals.
Once you start oversimplifying and categorizing the people to whom you are attracted,
your logical mind will begin interfering with your instincts. Do not trust your attraction to
people who resemble your ghosts. That is most likely a ghost issue, not an attraction
issue.

Conversely, you may decide for many reasons that you refuse to date women who
are taller than you, or who are white or black—or whatever. It is just as important to let
go of these negative preconceptions as well.
The "woman of your dreams" may look nothing like you expect her to look, nor
anything like the homeroom crush whom you always thought you deserved to marry.

Read this guy's story...


Beware of Ghosts
A number of years ago, I dated a crazy woman with
amazing sex-appeal. To make a very long story short,
it didn't work out and we had to break up. But the great
sex and the intensity of the thing left its mark because
our affair ended before any of the passion died down.
Since then, I have to watch myself because if I see
anyone who looks like her, I am immediately drawn.
A few years after she and I split, I met a much younger
woman who resembled that crazy, sexy ex-lover. I had
to work with the younger woman on a project, and felt
myself incredibly drawn to her. I couldn't get over the
resemblance—when I was around her, I had a really
difficult time maintaining my cool.

After a few weeks of working closely with her (and
luckily maintaining my cool), I finally noticed that this
woman was actually pretty uninteresting, nothing like
my crazy ex-, devoutly religious (and even a virgin),
and I'm sad to say she was as dumb as sack of
hammers. Beyond some of the physical characterised
this younger woman shared with my ex-, there was
absolutely nothing about her that interested me.
My brain was playing tricks.