Ask the doctor anything
How do you improve on the quality of wet dreams ?
Wet dreams are most common during puberty, but for some they continue into adulthood.
Dry spells (yeah dry spells like having no time with mary palmer and her 5 sisters !) can result in wet dreams.
Wet dreams can also be triggered by friction or a full bladder.
So pay attention , here'e the trick: Drink 3 glasses of water right before going to bed.Fill your bladder up.
If you don't mind risking a midnight bathrooom run , try drinking water before bed to see if your dreams become more hyperrealistic.
You know it will be totally worth it !
Sounds like your idea of wet dreams = wetting the bed....?
ReplyDeleteI haven't actually tried this yet !
ReplyDeleteso if anyone does , pls let me know !
Nothing is so boring as listening to someone else describe a dream.
ReplyDelete- George Carlin.
Desperate for some quality self-entertainment , I followed the advice given above.
Drank a litre of water before sleeping.Woke up to pee at 3 AM only to remember a dream where I was a part of a cartoon cow family on a beach.(I might have been a young bull , but as in most cartoons , any indications of genitalia were absent).Oh Before I forget ,regardless of our gender , all of us had prominent udders too, which we didn't bother covering up.(Hey mom , sis , your boobs are showing !, hey dad why do we have gynaecomastia ?)
In my dream , me and my bovine family , consisting of Papa Cow , Mama Cow , Son Cow, Sister cow , were on a beach.We were wearing those beach hats made of grass.Yum !
I think I was in a generic american cartoon, where we were a wholesome Holstein-Frazier thoroughbredoverfed , homogenised , pasteurised , growth hormone -enlarged nuclear american family -Dad , Mom , Son and Daughter , all white with identical black symmetric spots.The only thing that distinguished us apart were our relative sizes and voices.Papa cow was the largest ...all those beer and hamburgers had given him a pot belly and had a loud baritone cheerful voice (picture John Goodman), Mom was small, quiet , docile and dutiful, a perfect american fantasy wife , non-existent like the tooth fairy or santa , I was the quiet nerdy introvert with a high nasal girly voice(Oh wait , that was not a dream .Doh !), and my sister was a boisterous gregarious outgoing extrovert.
We were on a beach tanning ourselves , encouraging melanoma of the skin .We went swimming later , and Sister Cow had to puke in the sea after drinking too much sea water...
This is were I woke up having an incredible urge to pee.
Even my attempted wet dreams suck.(The dream in question was not a wet dream per se , because it did not involve any nocturnal emissions.)
I'm totally pissed off.
LIQUID DREAMS -REDUX
ReplyDeleteNothing is so boring as listening to someone else describe a dream.
- George Carlin.
I was on a table , all trussed up .The magician draped a cloak over my hog-tied body.He was about to make shish-kebab out of me with a hundred dull swords.
With the cloak over me , and the curtains drawn , this was my only chance to escape.I plopped down , still hog-tied, and tried to wriggle away .
But they caught me , the magician and his sexy assistant , and I squealed like a pig
....oiiiiiiiiiiinkkk...............oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinkkk....
and they just laughed at my plans and my naivete.
Turns out the magician's assistant was Shakira !
Hallelujah !
Praise the Lord !
Finally ! My wet dreams were coming of age.
Turns out Shakira was not entirely herself that night.She had a blue dragon tattoo that traversed her torso , all the way from the tip of her navel to the tip of her left breast.She also had feet made of blue cheese too!
As I said , my wet dreams were coming of age...and they revealed to me things I didn't about myself...I have a tattoo fetish , and a foot fetish and cheese fetish all mixed up in a weird kinnky way !
Who knew that !
After she untied me, Shakira took me someplace private to show her tattoo ! (wink, wink)
Things really got steamy once we got there.
If you go by Freud , then everything you dream up is about penis...
So , according to freud ,
shakira = penis,
Blue cheesy feet = penis ,
Dragon tattoo =penis.
Well if I believed in Freud , I'd be very confused today, but thankfully I don't.
Anyway , things were getting steamier by the minute.Shakira began gyrating her hips slowly, in a mesmerizing rhythm .
Her dragon tattoo had come to life.It seemed like its blue scaly tail was trying to tickle her belly button while its fiercely magnificient head was trying to nibble at her nipples.Hypnotised by the rythmic undulations of her hips , lust came over me in waves , and I grabbed her , and began kissing her neck.(See girls , Even in my dreams , I always pay attention to foreplay !)
But like all nightmares, this one had a surprise horror ending to it.Somehow she turned into my mom , and I woke up screaming ,'Fuck you , Oedipus !'
And with no nocturnal emissions to speak of, all I was left high and dry with was a painful boner.
I'm thinking.Is this what I want my kids to read about my past ?
"Hey son , this post is about your old man's younger days and his struggles , his trials, travails and tribulations of coping with the inability to have wet dreams....
What ! You don't know who Shakira is ? Ah ...forget it ...Kids these days....they don't know sexy if it bit them on their asses ...."
Disclaimer :The author categorically denies having any of the following conditions :
1)Tattoo Fetish
2)Foot Fetish
3)Blue Cheese Fetish
4)Belly Dancer Fetish
5)Husky Voiced Female Singer Fetish
6)South-American curvaceous women fetish
7)Shakira Fetish
8)Bondage Fetish
9)Freudian obsession with Penis
10)Oedipus complex