Fashion Police

A few days ago I was arrested by the Fashion Police.They cited their reasons for arrest as  that my present ensemble of Apple green T-shirt and Coffee-brown flared jeans was a major fashion faux-pas.

They proceeded to explain to me the intricacies of fashion and the importance of colour co-ordination and changing fashion trends with changing seasons.

It was a balmy afternoon , just after my Fire Fighting class.I was standing alone in a bus stand  , waiting for Bus No 11 to take me to my flat .The damn bus was late...

They appeared out of nowhere: Two nubile nymphets , self proclaimed and self -empowered fashion police.

Let's just say they were not so nubile and they weren't nymphets either, but they took it upon themselves to teach me the basics of fashion.

But let me digress a little.

My fashion sense (or the lack of it ) was largely due to mom choosing all my clothes in my formative years till the time I left my house to earn a living.She always bought all my clothes(except my boxers , which I preferred over briefs ).Mom was the one who took all the decisions , weighing in options , taking into account factors like rough use and Growth spurts in the teenage years , so there was simply no need to understanding anything apart from remembering to zip your pants before going out.

As a tween , I used to watch FTV    .All those years of secretly watching Fashion T.V  didn't really help me with developing my fashion sense either.All I did was wait for wardrobe malfunctions and nipple-slips .Occasionally I did watch Midnight Hot in which scantily clad anorexic models displayed their flesh(but mostly bones)  in various poses.It was stimulating , but sadly I did not have a skeletor-fetish.

I did learn a few useless French words "Haute Couture "and "Pret-a-porter" and countless brands with funny names (and funnier pronunciations) like Gucci (Pronounced as Gooshy ), Versace and Dolce & Gabbana.

I also learnt a few names of super models which I promptly forgot .The requirement for these models was to be 'boys with breasts' i.e . , these models should have the bodies of 12 year old boys and have a pair of breasts on them (from what I saw , size didn't matter ).

Sadly the Indian Information and Broadcasting ministry has banned FTV for promoting indecency and obscenity in India.

Ok , enough digression , lets get back on track.

The fashion police , a couple of first year girls from National Institute of Fashion Technology(NIFT) , were embarking on their first out of campus challenge.To educate a straight man on the nuances of fashion.Easier said than done.

They started telling me how apple green and baby blue weren't actually Indian colours.Here I was thinking that I was wearing a green tee and brown jeans but these girls corrected me that my ensemble (ensemble? WTF? I'm wearing a tee and a jeans , for pete's sake!) ,  was  reminiscent of govinda's attire.

Then , because the bus was late , I decided to stay there , but blank out.I think they were telling me something about baby blue T-shirts and Maria Sharapova and thanks to that I promptly got lost in myself imagining Ms.Sharapova in a baby blue bikini.

 

P.S. I still have a T-shirt in the same colour as that of sharapova's dresss, but its a manly Muscle-tee OK, so I don't want to hear anymore about it.

P.P.S.  I still don't get fashion.And today , I'm wearing the same green T-shirt and Brown jeans combo defiant of the warnings by the fashion police.