Purple Prose

'The novel is not the author's confession' ,says Author Milan Kundera in his
novel The Unbearable Lightness of Being. He adds that' it is an
investigation of human life in the trap the world has become'



Milan Kundera admits when he says, 'characters are not born like people, of
woman; they are born of a situation, a sentence, a metaphor containing in a
nutshell a basic human possibility that the author thinks no one else has
discovered or said something essential about. But isn't it true that an
author can write only about himself?'



The characters in my novels are my own unrealized possibilities. That
is why I am equally fond of them all and equally horrified by them. Each one
has crossed a border that I myself have circumvented. It is that crossed
border (the border beyond which my own I ends) which attracts me most. For
beyond that border begins the secret the novel asks about. The novel is not
the author's confession; it is an investigation of human life in the trap
the world has become'





I'm not Milan Kundera. I'm just a mediocre writer who aspires
to be an aspiring writer.



I'm in love with my purple prose.

It is overwrought, dreary and tiresome to read .I'm a flawed writer.I write
only about myself. Sometimes I try to be too smart and end up doing a shoddy
job of it.

But I love what I write. Sometimes I go over my old stuff and reminisce.
Those are happy times...



In 'Hurt'

I write,



'I spend hours and days

planning in ways

to hurt you

the way you hurt me...'



'Is this not True Love?' I ask.



Who have I addressed here?

Nobody.



Let me deconstruct the magic. It is time I show you how I pull rabbits out
of my hat...



Let us examine the empedoclean paradox (see Empedocles) given below. It is a
Japanese poem I once read somewhere that goes something like this...



'To think that I am not going to think of you anymore

is still thinking of you...

Let me then try not to think

that I'm not going to think of you'



This was the inspiration for the post titled 'Hurt' and to it I had to
incorporate raknax's cryptic aphorism which said,



'It's practically raining disappointments. Thy monsoon of talking into the
dark.

One of these days, eventually you have to give me what I want.

No?'

Its relative vagueness and sensate richness in metaphor bowled me over.

I had to steal the line and use it somewhere.

I told him I would.

So I did.



Now let's read an excerpt of 'Running Away'



It says,' I see the world too clearly. It is not filled with shades of
grey.It is I who gets to fill it with colours and I'm in no mood to paint
the town red.



'So this is me running away'

'Far away from a colourful yet drab world that has nothing to do with me or
me anything with it'



'You owe me nothing, and I owe you my sanity, my humanity, and my everything
else.

I don't deserve you, nor do you deserve the pain and misery that is mine to
give'



'I'm not playing hard to get. I'm not pushing you away'

'I'm simply pushing you to forget me

and to believe in a lie that we were never meant to be'

'It would be a lie if I told you that I don't love you. But I'm a better
liar than a lover. So good that I believe in my lies'

'I love you more than the entire world itself, but at the same time I don't
want you to love me'

'Does that make sense? No? '

'Not to me either'



Running Away was clearly inspired by two people. Author Manil
Suri, and his book 'Age of Shiva' and 'Yes I will push you away' by our very
own Ms.J.

Ms.J has written very powerfully...It had a strong visceral impact on me ,
so much so that I wondered if I could write something similar...maybe
something from a man's perspective...a commitment phobic man's perspective,
and thus "Running Away' was born.





If you have read 'You think you know me,

Where I appear angry when I say



'You think you know me?'



'So you 'vet read everything, seen everything ...and now you think you know
me !

You think you know what makes me tick ? You think you know the inner
workings , the minute gears, cogs and sprockets that run this rust bucket ?

You think you know me?

You think you have figured me out ?'



'It takes a lifetime to know someone , and even then , one is not sure ...

The mind is a terrible thing. It goes deep. Deeper than the deepest pools
you have swum in '

'It is darker than the darkest places in your heart .

It is more frightening than the most frightening nightmares that wake you
up in the night'



which was in fact inspired by Robbie Williams song 'Madonna'(strange isn't
it ?)

(Factoid: Rudebox was voted Robbie's worst album ever)



Or in one of my imaginary confessions , I write

'She seemed perfect in every way .Her imperfections didn't matter then. I
wanted her to save me , from myself, like I always told her. Always.



'The heartbreak was in itself very un dramatic...with a simple sentence ,
she nudged me from a 'Potential Mate' to 'in your dreams , Mate! '.

It was a pre-emptive strike...much before I could do anything stupid and
humiliate myself and her'



'I hopelessly return to the same subject...over and over again. It seems
I'm powerless not to...'



'No. I haven't stopped grieving, and yes I'm still healing'



'I don't love her anymore, I still respect her , but I also have lost my
ability to fall in love with anyone anymore.

I only hope that time proves me wrong'



and this was inspired from a Jagjit singh ghazal .(No , I cannot explain it
any more than that, for I don't understand the mechanics of inspiration
myself)



Why am I saying this?

Well , I realize that you are taking my posts literally and too seriously...

That is good and bad news...The good news is , my writing is effective. The
bad news is, you are making it personal.



Let me confess once again...

like I've done so many times before,

and let this be true ,

(unlike before ?)

I'm like Jack Nicholson's character Melvin Udall in the movie 'As good as it
gets' , where Jack Nicholson plays a OCD patient addled with intimacy
issues...Although never in a relationship, he makes a living writing romance
novels (which are ironically best sellers)



No. I'm not in pain. I don't need help, nor therapy...This is just something
I write, because my brain is hardwired this way.I haven't gone through a
heart break...I've never been in a relationship...

until now.

Now, I keep meeting so many wonderful girls , I feel there are too many to
choose from !

Just kidding !

I'm still a loser ...with no girlfriend .



I'm just a guy in love with his own purple prose.



(Check this out: If you look up a dictionary , you'll find that 'purple
prose' is almost an oxymoron)



I'm not worth wasting your time.

Believe Me.



I have an answer to your question...

What I want is freedom to write anything I want...and for you to be
unaffected by it.

My writings may mean the world to me...but they should be meaningless to
you.

They are in a way meaningless, if you read them carefully. They never add up
!

I'm not insulting your intelligence by writing abstruse posts...



I'm tired of saying this, but believe me.

I'm not worth wasting your time.





My favourite bit in 'Hurt ' is (and always will be)

'I've prepared

Hot words & cold shoulders,

tepid indifference,

deafening silences,

sharp stinging barbs and rebukes honed to a deadly precision,

just waiting for your next mistake'



for no particular reason.

(Ah ! If not for the email size restrictions, this post would have been much
longer)


Received: from C6XB2 at Globe Wireless; Wed, 10 Dec 2008 12:22 UTC
Message-id: 705663344S347