Trust No One

Dear Sir,
             I recently came to know that you don't trust us.
Regardless of your trust , I will discharge my duties and carry out my responsibilities to the fullest extent of my abilities and truthfully abide by all laws that apply to me.
Sir , regarding yourself , I must be brutally honest while I give you some feedback.
                       Your reputation precedes you.Past associations routinely perform your character assasinations using only superlatives.Your lineage , ancestry and parentage are regularly attributed to lower order animals , which I think is insulting to those animals.Your relationships with your family are frequently described to be incestous , vulgar and pederastous.
                                    Plainly speaking , none of my colleagues , or yours , would want to be associated with a man of your stature and history.They would rather
1)Gouge their eyes ( 51 % of the polled chose this option)
2)Scald themselves with molten lava(43 %)
3)Simply spit on you (The rest)

                 Regarding trust, it is an open secret that you routinely and surreptiously record our conversations.It seems that either you trust no one or that you get voyeuristic pleasure out of our mundane conversation.We know of you pathetic attempts of espionage/subterfuge and we humour you.
                  Sir, in my opinion and of others, you are truly an immoral , despicable man with no shred of scruples about you.You are a control freak who has himself  gone out of control.
But, despite you , We as your subordinates , will discharge our duties faithfully and to the best of our abilities.
 And that's a promise we make to ourselves.We salute to integrity and honour.(our's, that is)
                                                             Your Faithfully (I jest here)