The Name's Joe .

Once upon a time there was a man called Joe
The name's Joe , He said to everyone, 'Average Joe'
What was truly unique about Average Joe was that he was truly average.
There was not single trait of his that was unique.
He was as average as anyone could be, impossibly average.
Unfortunately, everything was about to be changed.
Average Joe fell into the hands of an evil  media corporation(Are there any non-evil corporations?).They were ecstatic.
They had struck  oil in a gold mine.
No longer did they have to rely on market surveys and demographics and mind numbing data crunched out by statisticians.
They just had to ask Joe.
Because what was unique about joe was that he was average.

Hey Joe, what do like in a toothpaste ? Do you prefer minty freshness or sparkling white teeth ?
And Joe told them.

Hey Joe, how many times do you have sex last week?What positions do you prefer ?
And Joe told them.

Hey Joe,which colour suits this car better,pearl or oxblood ?
And Joe told them.

And what Joe told them was what the average joe wanted
.
Joe was truly the man of the masses.
He was the reflection of the society.
He was a walking goldmine of advertising data.
Thanks to Joe  many data analysis software became obsolete.
Number crunching was dead.
Market surveys were dead.
Statistics were dead.

The Name's Joe.
Just ask Joe.

All the unemployed statisticians were furious that an Average Joe had the temerity to steal their jobs and render them jobless.So they formed a secret cabal, an unholy nexus of statisticians that was intent on killing Joe and creating a new world order.(Of course their primary objective was to kill Joe , but creating a new world order solely run by statisticians seemed like a good idea too !)
They called themselves the Surly Statisticians or the 'SS'.

Statisticians did what they did best.
They calculated that he was ninety nine percent more likely to be killed by a car crash than win a lottery.
They also asked Joe.

Hey Joe, what do you think is more likely, you winning the lottery or being served to the homeless as roadkill ?
And Joe told them.

So they bought him a rigged lottery ticket, hoping that he would be killed when he tried to cash it.
That never happened.
Instead Joe ,like everyone else , forgot about the ticket, and lost it.
Joe was safe.
At least for now.

The SS was angry. No actually they were surly that their best laid plans went bust.

This is what led to the eventual downfall of Average Joe
Average Joe was getting rich thanks to  his hefty paychecks (from his work as a media consultant).
Average Joe was rich.

The SS began to notice that Joe was spewing out incorrect data.
Soon the quality of his information degraded to a point where it was labeled as a mere speculative opinion.
This was bad news.
                             Opinions were like assholes.Everybody had one.And a lot of shit came out of it.
Now everybody in the media business knew that Joe was no longer useful if what he gave was only opinions full of shit.
Poor Joe.
Average Joe was out.
The SS no longer wanted to kill Joe.

This is what led to the eventual downfall of Average Joe.
Average Joe was getting richer and falling farther away from the median.
He had ceased to be average.
He was no longer Average Joe.

He was Joe.
Just Joe.

Just another dude with plenty of opinions about the world.
 Opinions are like assholes...You probably have heard this before.
But at least the Surly Statisticians were relieved .
Within a few weeks all of them got their jobs back.
And Joe ?
Who cares.
He was no longer average.
He was unique just like the rest of us.