Illusionary relationships with characters and personalities on favourite TV shows can provide people with feelings of belonging, even in the face of low self esteem or after being rejected by friends or family members, says a new study.
The research by psychologists at the University at Buffalo and Miami University, Ohio, has been described in four studies published in the current issue of the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.
"The research provides evidence for the 'social surrogacy hypothesis,' which holds that humans can use technologies, like television, to provide the experience of belonging when no real belongingness has been experienced," says one of the study's authors, Shira Gabriel, Ph.D., UB assistant professor of psychology.
"We also argue that other commonplace technologies such as movies, music or interactive video games, as well as television, can fulfill this need," the expert added.
Shira's co-authors are Jaye L. Derrick, Ph.D., postdoctoral associate and adjunct instructor of psychology at UB, and Kurt Hugenberg, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychology at Miami University
The first study, of 701 undergraduate students, used the Loneliness Activities Scale and the Likelihood of Feeling Lonely Scale to find that subjects reported tuning to favored television programs when they felt lonely and felt less lonely when viewing those programs.
Study 2 used essays to experimentally manipulate the belongingness needs of 102 undergraduate subjects and assess the importance of their favored television programs when those needs were stimulated. Participants whose belongingness needs were aroused reveled longer in their descriptions of favored television programs than in descriptions of non-favored programs, the study found.
Study 3 of 116 participants employed the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale, the Positive and Negative Affect Schedule and an eight-item measure of feelings of rejection to find that thinking about favored television programs buffered subjects against drops in self-esteem, increases in negative mood and feelings of rejection commonly elicited by threats to close relationships.
Study 4 asked 222 participants to write a 10-minute essay about their favorite television program, and then to write about programs they watch "when nothing else is on," or about experiencing an academic achievement. They were then asked to verbally describe what they had written in as much detail as possible.
After writing about favored television programs, the subjects verbally expressed fewer feelings of loneliness or exclusion than when verbally describing either of the two control situations (essays about programs watched when nothing else is on, academic achievement). This is evidence, say the researchers, that illusionary or "parasocial" relationships with television haracters or personalities can ease belongingness needs.
It remains an open question, say the researchers, whether social surrogacy suppresses belongingness needs or actually fulfills them, and they acknowledge that the kind of social surrogacy provoked by these programs can be a poor substitution for "real" human-to-human experience.
"Turning one's back on family and friends for the solace of television may be maladaptive and leave a person with fewer resources over time," says UB's Derrick, "but for those who have difficulty experiencing social interaction because of physical or environmental constraints, technologically induced belongingness may offer comfort."
Some stories have to be told many a times to others before you finally tell them to yourselves. This is one of those.
Male bonding is funny..We guys do some really girly stuff when we think no one is watching.
In one ship,my friend and I used to bond in ways we wouldn't acknowledge publicly.
Yes I'm ashamed to admit it, but we watched Rom-coms and chick flicks together.
(They are easy on the brain and it doesn't matter if you follow the plot or storyline and as such are excellent at the end of a tiring day)
One of our favourite movies was 'Shall We Dance', starring Richard Gere and Jennifer Lo-Pants(Lopez) and the ever beautiful Susan Sarandon.(I'm not overlooking very memorable performances by Stanley Tucci and Bobby Cannavale, whose histrionics were more entertaining than that of the rest of the cast)
Much as I hate to admit it, it was my fantasy to actually go through the same experiences, to stumble and learn how to dance,and magically undergo a life altering transformation and become a Dancing God! (I'm stumbling a lot)
I'm told Men who dance well are considered sexy, desirable or gay. Hey I'd like to be sexy and desirable and happy too ! (just not gay)
But there was a problem...my own past. Once as a kid, I took dancing lessons...but just one class.
My body did not listen to me.I couldn't do a single step my instructor taught me.The longer I was in the class, the more ashamed I felt about myself .
Humiliated and Disgusted at myself, I quit, never to return.
Years later,when I took Public Speaking lessons ,one of my shortcomings that everyone pointed out was my stiff and mechanical body .My nickname was 'The Soldier !
Attention !
Stand Hut!
The solution offered by my teacher was ...yes you guessed right...Dance Lessons!
It was Nietzsche who said "What I am not,that for me is God and virtue'
I surround myself with friends who are better than me (yes you too!), for you have something in you that I admire and aspire to be.
Similarly I have a cousin who is gifted with the ability to dance...I'm fond of her,and admire her for what she could and I lacked.I used to listen to her talk about dancing and her love for the art with rapt attention.(I must confess;I couldn't understand much of what she said, but was endlessly fascinated)
In my mind, my biggest weakness was my inability to coordinate my body in a graceful manner.
So when I found that my friend had joined a dance class,I decided to join myself...after all misery loves company.(my friend professed to be equally bad at dancing)
But what if I was a miserable failure like before?
What if I disgusted myself once again?
What if I make a fool of myself?
"Fools rush in where angels fear to tread"
As always, I go by the following adage...and I wouldn't want to rush in like a fool without actually knowing what I was getting into.
Thanks to the internet, I found a few videos and tutorials that supposedly would aid me in some way.
Here is my favourite one...
and another...
Boy,Was I wrong!
Videos cannot substitute real live tutors and active feedback...also, the dancers in the video were too good and their natural ease and comfort made me depressed about my own lack of grace and coordination.
But guess what...I was not the same old boy anymore,I had changed.
We had joined for a crash course in salsa and jive.
The term crash course has omnious connotations but I had made up my mind to succeed where once I had failed.
In my research, I came to know that Salsa is a very popular dance form in Latin America, U.S and Europe. The word is the same as the salsa meaning sauce, metaphorically referring the music and dance being "saucy","Spicy" and "tasty".
Yumm!
There are different styles that developed in different regions: New York style salsa, Puerto Rican salsa, Cuban style, California style.(I seem to be learning the Manglorean Salsa with a healthy helping of fish curry )
Normally Salsa is a partner dance, danced in a handhold.In partner dancing, the two partners are labelled as the lead and the follow, or leader and follower. Traditionally, the male partner leads and the female partner follows.
Now read this carefully...A lead controls the way the dance will go. He decides which moves or figures will be danced, and how to move the follow. The follow does what the name implies, and follows the lead. For the lead and follow to interact with each other, a connection must be established.
One goal of partner dancing is to move in ways that one dancer alone cannot.
I took up dance to unlearn stiffness and rigidity and to learn the art of gracefulness.However grace seems to be innate or maybe it is inherited -an elusive quality embedded in the chromosomes-passed on from generation to generation onto select offspring by divine providence.
I say that because when I look at myself dance in the mirror, I see a boxer looking for a street fight, a MMA fighter getting ready for a sparring session, a bull charging in a china shop...I don't like to look when I dance.Period.
But here was the crucial difference.
Once upon a time, I had gone to learn a solo style of dance.The entire emphasis was on me and also the pressure to perform.
I hated it.
This time it was a partner dance.I genuinly felt I could learn more than just dancing from this endeavor.
A popular joke goes something like this...Dancing is a wonderful training for girls;its the first way to learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it.
It's not entirely true...The partner that follows and the one that leads both have to possess an inner drive to follow the soul of the dance and rhythm.
It's true that the lead controls the way the dance will go. He decides which moves or figures will be danced, and how to move the follow. The follow does what the name implies, and follows the lead.
Beginning leads try to control 99% of the dance. Advanced leads try to control 51% of the dance. The follow styles her own moves as she likes within the parameters communicated by the lead.
Learning to lead or to follow forces upon you a sensitivity and receptivity to subtle signals.
I'm an ogre by all standards, lacking sensitivity but now I'm forced to gently lead my partner with pushes,pulls and gentle nudges.Dance teaches you the subtle art of non-verbal communication...to talk without words.
You learn to deal with diferent partners with different personalities:the stiff, the tender,the soft,the nervous,the light,the innocent and the unyielding.
I'm afraid to extend the metphor of dance to life,even though many claim that it is so.One word -"Feminists" and then two more words-"Political Correctness"make me queasy and uneasy.
If I say Dance is Life...that the world is a ballroom and we are the dancers...just as once Shakespeare did with the stage ,then the issue of man taking a lead and the female following might seem offensive and regressive and politically incorrect to many feminists and pseudo-feminists(I'm looking at you guys who act like broad minded feminists to impress women.You are truly snakes in the grass)
Dance is an art form,where the art should be highlighted above the artists.It is a form of expression and it should transcend gender politics.
(wikipedia tells me that promenade-style dancing has no lead or follow, and that homosexuals in various parts of the world dance in exclusive venues making the gender politics partly redundant)
It is true though...Some women don't like to be led.They simply cannot follow.Maybe they are not accustomed to it.So they march to the beat of their own drummer,much to everyones chagrin.
"If the leader cannot lead, or if the follower cannot follow, it no longer remains a dance;it becomes a wrestling match" says my teacher .
Do opposites really attract? A new study finds that when it comes to personality, people seek partners with their same qualities — but claim to want someone who is different.
The study, recently published in the journal Evolutionary Psychology, asked 760 members of an online dating site to answer questionnaires regarding their personality traits, as well as the traits they would want in an ideal long-term partner. They then were asked if they most wanted a partner that complemented them, or resembled them.
The answers showed a preference for someone with the same sort of personality; the traits, which included neuroticism, extraversion, openness, agreeableness, and conscientiousness, all had positive participant-to-partner correlations, ranging from .51 to .62.
These findings are supported by previous research. A study conducted by the University of Iowa in 2005, for example, stated that similarity in personality was more important than similarities in attitude, religion, and values in forming a happy marriage. Like-minded people validate each other's beliefs and views, and there tend to be fewer conflicts as a result.
But despite the personality correlations, the new study has found that 85.7 percent of participants claim to want someone who has their opposite traits.
"When asked about their preferences for a mate, people may partially draw upon lay theories of romantic attraction rather than their true desires for a mate," says Pieternel Dijkstra, a professor at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands and the study's lead researcher.
One popular theory is that opposites attract; another is that having a similar partner would be "boring." But Dijkstra says these theories often prove untenable in real life.
"Although many individuals occasionally feel attracted to 'opposites,' attractions between opposites often do not develop into serious intimate relationships and, when they do, these relationships often end prematurely," she said.
The study also found that in addition to looking for a similar partner, women wanted men who were conscientious, outgoing, and emotionally stable, all traits that indicate an investment in the relationship and in any potential children.
However, "there were no particular traits that men seemed to prefer more than women," according to Dijkstra . For both sexes, finding common ground is a top priority.
Illusionary relationships with characters and personalities on favourite TV shows can provide people with feelings of belonging, even in the face of low self esteem or after being rejected by friends or family members, says a new study. 
