What Do You Say After You Say Hello?

One more marriage!

This was hilarious because I've never seen the bride before in my life.She is supposedly a distant cousin...which brings me to a philosophical question"Aren't we all distant cousins to each other ?"

This time I followed KCG's trick and surprised quite a few of my relatives!

"Of course I remember You, Uncle...How can I ever forget you?"

Usually I carry  a lifeline(more like a boreline) to weddings...like a book,my iPod or even a newspaper.This is to ensure that I'm not bored even for a minute.But this time, I went commando (No, I always wear boxers), with no lifelines in hand.

This is a brave new phase for me.

Things you notice:

There is an insidious and nefarious nexus of people in a marriage who come there for totally different reasons:Schmoozing, networking, matchmaking,flaunting,information exchange(gossip) and last but not the least...the saddest variety of  people  come here to have a grand wedding feast.

We had a few caucasians...they were from Netherlands.They were simply curious about all the weird and colurful and noisy rituals and wonderfully arcane customs of the wedding.They asked what it all meant.I simply shook my head and said "F#%$ knows"

Mom, as ever ,forced me to meet a few girls...and then surreptiously asked me if I liked any of them.The girls acted coy.I acted confident and charming.We exchanged perfunctory pleasantries.

It was all over within a minute.

Next!

As I've said before, I don't enjoy family gatherings.Once I go there, I meet people who I've categorized into these groups.

1)People I vaguely know.

2)People I don't know, but who know me (and ask me inane questions like "Hey , Remember Me?"

3)People who I am mutually strangers with.

4)People who I know but will avoid at all costs.(like that creepy old lady who likes to be touchy feely a lot)

5)Lastly...the Invisibles (these are people who are there but are not of any concern to you.For all practical purposes, they are invisible)

Group 1) and 2) pose the most problem.The problem being...What do you say after you say Hello?

Hello Aunty...nice seeing you here...Umm...er...excuse me, I've left my defibrillator in the parking lot!

Hello uncle! ...How are you...I'm fine...Hot day isn't it?...Umm...er...excuse me, my cat is getting a divorce, and I'm her lawyer...

What do you say after you say Hello? There's dead air between us...no history,no chemistry,and absolutely no interest in keeping the conversation alive...and that's when you come up with some brilliant excuses!

In any marriage you see, the females are there with a purpose, and men are there clutching their female's purse.

                                           Look at the females...aren't they social creatures?                      They are there for a reason...the old aunties are there to revive the 'Old Girls Network' .The young aunties are there to flaunt their new jewellry and saris.Mothers are on the lookout for eligible bachelors.Unmarried Daughters are there to be noticed.

I'm there because mom dragged me.Her greatest thrill these days is to show me to other people.Predictable reactions ensue "WHAT! DON'T TELL ME YOU HAVE SUCH A BIG SON! YOU LOOK SO YOUNG!"

I'm adopted...I grumble.

In looking at women's clothes in a wedding, one can always tell who's next in line, who's ready to be married off, by the degree of well dressedness.The bride is by default the best dressed female in the wedding.I think that's her only incentive to get married...to be princess for a day, and be envied by all others.

The second best dressed girl is usually next in line for marriage.She's there for a reason.It's her interview with all the people.She's smiling,nodding, and graciously answering everyone's questions.All this for a boy? Honey, he ain't worth all that effort.(But I am)

I met the second best dressed girl today...What do you say after you say Hello?

Apparently we knew each other once upon a time.I apologised and confessed that I didn't know who the hell she was, but spoke to her on the assumption of past chemistry(I used to pull at her pigtails and she used to beat me up when we were six)

What do you say after you say Hello?  Its no longer a problem.I talk about everything as if I've known them for years.

I found out that Me and M/s Pig Tail had a lot to talk about...