Things You Notice

I was very frustrated the day before yesterday.

Me and my friends had made plans to go out, and it got cancelled the last minute.

(that's another post in itself)

As soon as it was cancelled I was forced to attend a Threading Ceremony(Brahmopadesham) of a distant cousin.

I don't like family get togethers.You have to meet a bunch of people you don't know and then renew acquaintances with them.

Son, I'd like you to meet Mr.Chandrashekar...He is your aunt's second cousin and that his long lost step sister found in the Kumbh Mela.

Hello Uncle! (In India everyone is an uncle or an aunty to someone)

Son, this is Saroja...we are related to her in a slightly more complicated manner.Let me get out the Venn Diagrams and the scientific calculator to explain it to you.

Hello Aunty!

This is Veena,Damodar,Prabhakar and Lalitha...Remember Anu's wedding? Well they are all Anu's relatives.This will require more than just a venn diagram, a family tree chart and a logarithm table.By the way, do you still remember fundamental quantum physics?

Sure Mom, introduce them all...Five minutes later I'll have forgotten most of it!

Ah! The joys of a family get together!

On top of it, these get-togethers have a hidden agenda.People come there with ulterior motives.Match-Making is one of them.The sea of relatives have hidden in them Match-makers and other sharks and killer whales.

Have you noticed that when you have some self-perceived flaw you tend to notice other people with the same flaw?

I mean, a bald guy in a group will always know the follicular status of every other person, like hairlines(receding or not),follicular density,scalp condition etc.

I see dead people.

Ever since I'm wearing dentures , I've acquired a sixth sense about other people wearing dentures.I can spot these people a mile away.

Ok...I see a sign...I see the light...I see that your first 4 teeth are fake!

It is scary, but I see people with dentures everywhere.

Now, since I've kept it a secret that I had an accident and lost my teeth, I'm worried that other denture wearing people have the same psychic powers and can see through my fake removable teeth.

Coming back to the subject of family get-togethers and match-making...a shark approaches my mom and tells her 'Hey! Your son is ready to get married isn't he?...Why else would you bring him to family-get-togethers?'

'No! He can't get married! He's too young...He's just a baby!'

'Mom! I'm not a baby!'

'So, does that mean you want to get married?'

'No! That's not what I meant...I don't want to get married either...I'm too young!'

'You are just a baby!'

'No I'm not! No I'm not! No I'm not! ...Now If you'll excuse me ...I seem to be missing my pacifier'

It's true...Mom is trying to find a girl for me.

Me? Why?

But she didn't think anyone in that group was suitable for me.

'Mom! Why didn't you tell me about this before?'

'Then you wouldn't have come'

I explain to mom that I'm not on the market.I have zero market value...

Now someone like my friend KCG will have a huge market value.

One word.

IIM Graduate.(ok... make that two words)

IIM Grad sums it all.

Smart (make that frighteningly smart...he'll literally blow you away),

handsome (not all IIM grads are handsome, but believe me...this dude is),

funny (hey! He is funnier than me...nuff said),

all round good boy( we were bonafide good boys in our childhood...we would self-censor all expletives by adding a bleep to it...we thought it was funny...we'd say you bleeping bleep...bleep off!)

In short, a good catch.I'm sure his parents have been approached a million times by match makers and other sharks and dangerous creatures.

I imagine girls throwing themselves on him everywhere he goes.( I have a wild imagination, sorry dude)

Of course...I've had a few crushes to contend with too.

As soon as I entered the get-together, I noticed a few stares.Mostly from parents and a few match makers and a few sharks.

There was an orbiter too.She was too shy to actually come up to me, so she wound up showing up conspicuously wherever I went.It was kinda cute!

She was in seventh grade.

I didn't have to do the math to know that she was jail-bait.

Of course, I wanted to have nothing to do with it, so I pulled out my iPod Touch and started playing games in it.This creted its own unique problems.A group of young boys became my orbiters because no one else had an iPod touch.

That wasn't the problem.

These kids were calling me Uncle.

That was the problem,