Walt Disney created some of the greatest children’s films in cinematic history, only the main thing Disney did was put in terribly frightening images and premises to scare the shit out of children so they grew up all moral. Below is a reinvention of some of the favourite Disney films with the actual positive and negative outcomes of doing, what Disney makes out we should or shouldn’t do.
Snow White
Moral of The Story: If you become prettier than your mother she will kill you
Negative Reality: It is pretty much impossible not to become prettier than your mother and if you piss her off with it she won’t order a hit on you at all. The more likely scenario is that your mother will kick you out of your house; you will then become a junkie and be forced into prostitution to pay for your habit. The end of your life will come when you find yourself in a drug den shooting up, only to OD and slump in a heap on the floor; something akin to a certain Rammstein video.
Positive Reality: Your mother will understand that her looks were never going to last forever and she nurtures your own beauty and is proud of it. You are encouraged to look how you want and end up with a great relationship ending up in a happy marriage with kids.
Beauty and the Beast
Moral of The Story: If you’re a narcissist an evil witch will come along and curse you so that only someone who can look past your furry looks will be able to love you.
Negative Reality: Well it’s obvious that no witch is going to come along and turn you into a beefcake version of a werewolf. If you are a narcissist you will only end up being self obsessed only attracting like self obsessed people. Your relationships will simply consist of two people saying how beautiful they are meaning you never really connect, and are looked down upon by everyone around you that has a sense of self decency. Your life will end alone in a bed-sit with no friends due to the fact that when your looks abandoned you, so did all of your so called ‘friends’.
Positive Reality: You are in such the realms of narcissism that you end up in Hollywood acting in blockbuster movies getting paid ridiculous amounts of money. You marry an absolutely gorgeous spouse and have equally as gorgeous children, solidifying your family’s history in the entertainment business and setting up future generations for simple lives in the same business.
A Bugs Life
Moral of The Story: If you are being used by others then standing up to them will turn out ok even though you have no fighting skills.
Negative Reality: Ok these people picked you for the reason that they wish to take advantage of your fear of physical pain. If you stand up to them with no viable muscle whatsoever you will simply ended up pounded into the mud and be made to look even more like a bitch. You will spend the rest of your life being walked over by anyone that comes across you, especially those that know your history. Your relationships will consist of being made a bitch and you will die sad and used like a condom after a five hour sex session.
Positive Reality: The bullies underestimated that you would stand up to them, and through fear of having it repeated again just dump using you for the next joke that will be easier prey. This gives you an explosion of self confidence so you know when people will be using you in future, enabling you to settle down into a secure trusting relationship and your children do not have the same self confidence problems you had when young, due to your nurturing and understanding nature created by your past.
Pinocchio
Moral of The Story: If you lie and don’t listen to your parents you will end up with a dildo on your face and your parents will end up swallowed by a whale. Fear not though as admission to all of your foibles will make everything fine, and your deepest wishes will come true.
Negative Reality: Every kid lies and doesn’t listen to their parents and a lot of them turn out absolutely ok. The ones that go to the extremes like binge drinking and lying as shown in Pinocchio though will end up losing their virginity at twelve in a park drunk on cider, have an ASBO by the time they are 18, and only be able to get gopher jobs while living in council house accommodation with regular confrontations with the neighbours
Positive Reality: The binge drinking and virginity losing are the same except this gives you such a sense of self loathing that you vow never to do such naïve acts again. You build yourself up a respectable life and reputation and pass on the wisdom of binge drinking and lying to your children in the hope that they don’t make the same stupid mistakes that you did.
Dumbo
Moral of The Story: If you have a laughable physical disfigurement, after taking all the shit you can you attack all the people around you. This causes them to all become your friends and everything to stay happily ever after. Pink elephants are also fucking scary.
Negative Reality: If you have a laughable physical disfigurement people are going to laugh and ridicule you all they want, especially among the less intelligent population. You will take shit for as long as possible until it either results in you going postal killing everyone around you and then yourself, or you end up with such psychological trauma that you end up committed and living in a padded room for the rest of your life. Pink elephants are also fucking scary.
Positive Reality: You ignore everyone’s joking at your physical appearance and only surround yourself with those that see people for their inner personality. In turn you find someone with the same respect for personality as yourself and you live happily ever after, creating children with various physical deformities, who you never look down upon due to you living your whole life looking like the elephant man yourself.
So there we have it, in response to Disney’s extremist propaganda we have the more correct facts put before us. What the hell happened to fluffy bunnies and happy goings on in kids movies eh? More importantly, what the fuck was Walt Disney on when he came up with the pink elephants scene in Dumbo?
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Why Can't I Own a Canadian?
Why Can't I Own a Canadian?
October 2002
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to
people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an
observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to
Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The
following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast
resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as
informative:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I
have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that
Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other
specific laws and how to follow them:
When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors.
They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for
her?
I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how
do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend
of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can
you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2
clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to
kill him myself?
A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?
Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does
my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?
I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different
crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of
two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends
to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all
the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? -
Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family
affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev.
20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident
you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is
eternal and unchanging.
Your devoted fan,
Jim
October 2002
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to
people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an
observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to
Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The
following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast
resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as
informative:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I
have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend
the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that
Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other
specific laws and how to follow them:
When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors.
They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for
her?
I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how
do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend
of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can
you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2
clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to
kill him myself?
A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?
Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does
my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?
I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different
crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of
two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends
to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all
the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? -
Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family
affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev.
20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident
you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is
eternal and unchanging.
Your devoted fan,
Jim
Trivial Pursuit
Ass-kicking words of the day :
callipygian: having beautifully proportioned buttocks
steatopygic: an extreme accumulation of fat on the buttocks
DOES URINATING ON A JELLYFISH STING
STOP THE BURN?
We all saw thatFriends episode (c’mon, you watch it, too) when Monica gets stung by a
jellyfish. Joey remembers that peeing on a jellyfish sting takes the pain away, Monica “can’t
bend that way,” and Joey gets “stage fright,” leaving Chandler to save the day. Don’t believe
everything you see on TV.
Most jellyfish stings cause only pain and numbness. The Australian box jellyfish is the
most venomous and deadly of all stinging marine creatures. Approximately 20 percent of
those stung by the box jellyfish will die. Portuguese man-of-war is also dangerous but nothing
compared to the box jellyfish.
The following guideline can be applied to most jellyfish stings: The patient should remove
any visible tentacles, using gloves if possible. The area of the sting should be rinsed with
household vinegar. The acetic acid of the vinegar can block discharge of the remaining
nematocysts (stinging cells) on the skin and should be applied liberally. If vinegar is not
available, salt water can be used to wash off the nematocysts.
In laboratory tests, urine, ammonia, and alcohol can cause active stinging cells to fire,
which means applying them has the potential to make a minor sting worse, so urinating on a
jellyfish sting is both gross and painful.
WHERE DOES GAS GO WHEN YOU CANÌT
FART?
Some people like to think of their lower gastrointestinal tract as a one-way street. One time
during a rectal examination during a trauma, a frightened young man screamed out as the
doctor was placing his finger in the man’s rectum, “Whoa, that’s an exit!”
Flatulence follows that same rule. Gas goes out or it simply goes away.
callipygian: having beautifully proportioned buttocks
steatopygic: an extreme accumulation of fat on the buttocks
DOES URINATING ON A JELLYFISH STING
STOP THE BURN?
We all saw thatFriends episode (c’mon, you watch it, too) when Monica gets stung by a
jellyfish. Joey remembers that peeing on a jellyfish sting takes the pain away, Monica “can’t
bend that way,” and Joey gets “stage fright,” leaving Chandler to save the day. Don’t believe
everything you see on TV.
Most jellyfish stings cause only pain and numbness. The Australian box jellyfish is the
most venomous and deadly of all stinging marine creatures. Approximately 20 percent of
those stung by the box jellyfish will die. Portuguese man-of-war is also dangerous but nothing
compared to the box jellyfish.
The following guideline can be applied to most jellyfish stings: The patient should remove
any visible tentacles, using gloves if possible. The area of the sting should be rinsed with
household vinegar. The acetic acid of the vinegar can block discharge of the remaining
nematocysts (stinging cells) on the skin and should be applied liberally. If vinegar is not
available, salt water can be used to wash off the nematocysts.
In laboratory tests, urine, ammonia, and alcohol can cause active stinging cells to fire,
which means applying them has the potential to make a minor sting worse, so urinating on a
jellyfish sting is both gross and painful.
WHERE DOES GAS GO WHEN YOU CANÌT
FART?
Some people like to think of their lower gastrointestinal tract as a one-way street. One time
during a rectal examination during a trauma, a frightened young man screamed out as the
doctor was placing his finger in the man’s rectum, “Whoa, that’s an exit!”
Flatulence follows that same rule. Gas goes out or it simply goes away.
Monday, October 1, 2007
The trouble with being a 'Nice Guy'
"You are beautiful , did you know that ?"
"Ok , what do you want ? I'm not going to sleep with you ...You're not my type, I never thought of you in that way, you are like my brother,lets just be friends "
"Hey , Hey ! I just told you that you were beautiful , thats all...I didn't want anything in return "
Why are women are distrustful of "Nice Guys." ?
Ans :How does she know he isn't just pretending to be nice in order to get into her pants? Sure, he's buying dinner and telling her she's pretty.. .but is that what he's really
like? Or is that just what he's like when he wants something?
To women , nice guys are normal guys who lack the balls to take the first step and actually do something manly like ask her out.
Instead they remain forever in the "friend" zone, and constantly compliment them and be there when they need them and do all other things that basically emasculate them every other day !
Therefore this lack of trust is a natural defense mechanism that ensures that only strong men(men who have enough balls to make the right moves ) get any chance .
Nice guys are losers...nobody wants to mate with a loser !
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Trust me ; She is not a Princess.
Love , infatuation or obsession makes us wear those rose tinted glasses which make all imperfections disappear like celebrity cellulite under a photoshop knife .(filter)
Trust me ...even if you think a woman is a goddess or a princess , she doesn't think so.
Even though she may look like a goddess or act like a princess she knows she’s no goddess. Her self-image is one of imperfection and incompleteness.
That’s normal.
Only insane people think they’re perfect. She knows deep down that no one deserves instant adoration. Adoration has to be worked for. She respects you for not telegraphing sexual or romantic intent when she has made little effort.
Remember : She is not perfect and it simply drives her crazy when you act like she is.
Oh yeah, If she is perfect , then what is she doing with you in the first place , huh ?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I recently asked a friend "How would you like to be wooed ?" or alternately "How would you like to be seduced ?"
And I did get an honest answer for my question.(Which will not be discussed here)
But here's the problem...
Women will continually tell you what they want(not just about how to woo them ), and a lot of them are very good people, but break through the mask of who they consciously are, and they want the opposite of everything they just told you.
Think you can break through the mask? Think again. That’s six layers of a specialized reinforced concrete known as mental makeup (cosmetics for personality). You’re not getting through anything, because she will not let you .
So here's the answer...Women have no idea what they want...well... they do have a vague idea...but nothing concrete really.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Love, let us also talk about love :
We have this idea that love is supposed to last forever .But love isn't like that.It's a free flowing energy that comes and goes when it pleases .Sometimes it stays for life , other times it stays for a second , a day , a month , or a year.So don't fear love when it comes simply because it makes you vulnerable.But don't be surprised when it leaves ,either.Just be glad you had the opportunity to experience it.
It’s often said that love is self-hypnosis; a beautiful psychosis that takes hold and prompts us to act in ways that we would otherwise not even consider.
Love cannot be forced or enforced nor can it be demanded.
When you demand or force or enforce it , all you get is fear and hatred.
Because the idea of love can also be destructive for some people,it can be a self-deception that they can focus on as a way to avoid facing their shortcomings.
There are people who will fall in love with anyone who will have them.People with no standards.
I'm one of them.
I fall in love too easily !
Why, just yesterday I fell in love with Betty Soares , because her character had the ability to make me laugh.
A Good sense of Humour is very attractive in a woman .
And beauty is truly overrated.
Like me, There are people eager in love with the idea of being in love.
There are other people who fear falling in love. They are jaded, and create emotional barriers to prevent themselves from being hurt in the future.Ultimately, people process their experiences through a fog of emotions, and create and intensify these occurrences in their own minds.
Is it possible, that it is only when you don’t need love that you will find it?
Well , here's an experiment well worth a try...
I declare that I don't need love anymore !
"Ok , what do you want ? I'm not going to sleep with you ...You're not my type, I never thought of you in that way, you are like my brother,lets just be friends "
"Hey , Hey ! I just told you that you were beautiful , thats all...I didn't want anything in return "
Why are women are distrustful of "Nice Guys." ?
Ans :How does she know he isn't just pretending to be nice in order to get into her pants? Sure, he's buying dinner and telling her she's pretty.. .but is that what he's really
like? Or is that just what he's like when he wants something?
To women , nice guys are normal guys who lack the balls to take the first step and actually do something manly like ask her out.
Instead they remain forever in the "friend" zone, and constantly compliment them and be there when they need them and do all other things that basically emasculate them every other day !
Therefore this lack of trust is a natural defense mechanism that ensures that only strong men(men who have enough balls to make the right moves ) get any chance .
Nice guys are losers...nobody wants to mate with a loser !
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Trust me ; She is not a Princess.
Love , infatuation or obsession makes us wear those rose tinted glasses which make all imperfections disappear like celebrity cellulite under a photoshop knife .(filter)
Trust me ...even if you think a woman is a goddess or a princess , she doesn't think so.
Even though she may look like a goddess or act like a princess she knows she’s no goddess. Her self-image is one of imperfection and incompleteness.
That’s normal.
Only insane people think they’re perfect. She knows deep down that no one deserves instant adoration. Adoration has to be worked for. She respects you for not telegraphing sexual or romantic intent when she has made little effort.
Remember : She is not perfect and it simply drives her crazy when you act like she is.
Oh yeah, If she is perfect , then what is she doing with you in the first place , huh ?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I recently asked a friend "How would you like to be wooed ?" or alternately "How would you like to be seduced ?"
And I did get an honest answer for my question.(Which will not be discussed here)
But here's the problem...
Women will continually tell you what they want(not just about how to woo them ), and a lot of them are very good people, but break through the mask of who they consciously are, and they want the opposite of everything they just told you.
Think you can break through the mask? Think again. That’s six layers of a specialized reinforced concrete known as mental makeup (cosmetics for personality). You’re not getting through anything, because she will not let you .
So here's the answer...Women have no idea what they want...well... they do have a vague idea...but nothing concrete really.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Love, let us also talk about love :
We have this idea that love is supposed to last forever .But love isn't like that.It's a free flowing energy that comes and goes when it pleases .Sometimes it stays for life , other times it stays for a second , a day , a month , or a year.So don't fear love when it comes simply because it makes you vulnerable.But don't be surprised when it leaves ,either.Just be glad you had the opportunity to experience it.
It’s often said that love is self-hypnosis; a beautiful psychosis that takes hold and prompts us to act in ways that we would otherwise not even consider.
Love cannot be forced or enforced nor can it be demanded.
When you demand or force or enforce it , all you get is fear and hatred.
Because the idea of love can also be destructive for some people,it can be a self-deception that they can focus on as a way to avoid facing their shortcomings.
There are people who will fall in love with anyone who will have them.People with no standards.
I'm one of them.
I fall in love too easily !
Why, just yesterday I fell in love with Betty Soares , because her character had the ability to make me laugh.
A Good sense of Humour is very attractive in a woman .
And beauty is truly overrated.
Like me, There are people eager in love with the idea of being in love.
There are other people who fear falling in love. They are jaded, and create emotional barriers to prevent themselves from being hurt in the future.Ultimately, people process their experiences through a fog of emotions, and create and intensify these occurrences in their own minds.
Is it possible, that it is only when you don’t need love that you will find it?
Well , here's an experiment well worth a try...
I declare that I don't need love anymore !
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