Blood is thicker than water.

Once upon a time, distance was literal.A thousand miles seemed more
than just a ...thousand miles.

Even ten years ago , the only affordable means of communication
onboard a ship was writing a letter.

Snail Mail , as they call it, took ages to reach from one place to
another, all because snails were not efficient swimmers.(haw haw)


Months of history and stories and memories and feelings were crammed
into as many pages, and then posted to a ship.Sometimes the letters
would find their way onboard.Sometimes they found themselves at the
bottom of the sea.The same would go for a letter posted from a ship.
Then , with the advent of GPS and improved satellite communications,
phone calls became cheaper.These days satellite phone calls cost upto
a dollar per minute at off peak times.Then came a revolutionary idea
of using HF for email.Email is basically a data packet , and being so
, they found the right method to transmit them across using HF.Thus
sailors got email on board.Any new technology must be milked
well,which is why initially email was charged at a dollar a pop.

When it was found that free emails would improve
employee morale , ship owners made this facility freely available to
all their employees.But they have their restrictions.As I've stated
before, all emails are to be less than 40 kb , and purely textual with
no attachments.

All of us use it religiously.

While I use it to post blogs and write occasional emails
others use it to keep in touch with their friends and families.As I've
noticed, it is the family that responds more than friends.
A case of blood being thicker than water ?

Kenny writes daily to his wife, sis,mom in an email of one sentence
stating his good health and praying for theirs.
Biddu writes to his dada,maa and bani and pagli.Goc-ong (I gave him a
new nickname 'Super-Saiyyan' and he loves it) writes to mydyr nako,
while clint writes to mama and princesskatara.

" What do you expect from a princess , clint ?
And should you forgive royalty easily for for failing to keep up with
expectations ?"... I ask."Failing sir ? Expectations Sir? "asks clint.
Clint failed to understand.
I didn't expect him to understand either.

I don't press him further. You see , I like
clint.He's the only guy my age.He works hard and studies hard.And
Someday he wants to be an officer.

I'd like to see that happen soon.So I try to teach what I know, not
really knowing whether it will do him any good.His biggest goal in
life is to be a third mate and that's it , he confides.

But I again persist.I ask. Do you write to your
friends .He tells me that most of his friends are too busy for
him.They tell him that being a seafarer , he knows nothing about the
busy life of being ashore.They cannot spare their precious time.Its
only his mama and his princesskatara who write to him.They write long
letters almost daily, dedicated to keeping alive that delicate but
intangible thread of emotional connection.

I agree.Its only my dad, who relentlessly writes to
me.He keeps me in touch with what's happening at home and what's
happening around the world.He sends articles of varied subjects of my
interest.How in the world does dad know all about my interests , I
used to wonder.Then I realised that he had been reading my blog
secretly to find out my likes and dislikes and write and send
accordingly.Thanks dad.You're the best.(I know you are reading this)

Then there's mom.Not too tech-savvy , nor too patient with new fangled
technology , yet she painstakingly crafts an email once in a while
that lets you know what's happening where you are not there.

But they do write.


All these years , I was content with having very less friends and
having very little contact with them.But ever since I've made a few
new ones(great people by the way !), I miss their interaction.

Am I asking too much ?

Am I expecting too much?
I've always told people that I don't expect anything from them.

I tell them I don't want anything from them.

Obviously it has been a lie.


I've been lying to my self to convince myself that I don't want
anything from them.

WE ALL WANT SOMETHING.

The biggest lie you can tell yourself is that you “don’t want anything”.

YES YOU DO.

Just about everybody who we interact with on a regular or semi-regular
basis, we have a need and/or desire that we would like to see
fulfilled and satisfied. What we desire can be something intangible
such as flattering attention or respect. It can be something tangible
such as a monetary favor or an offer of employment. Bottom line … very
rarely, if ever, do you approach a person “just for the heck of it.”

Then why do I keep repeating this lie ?
Because It seems like the enlightened thing to say.
But it is obviously untrue because I feel frustrated .

I don't feel enlightened yet.(Maybe the first step towards
enlightenment is acknowledging unenlightenment itself)
I need to be enlightened quick,and mean what I say or I'll end up
getting depressed.

What I want truly from you is to be a part of your life, even if a
mere fly on the wall.Make me feel included in your everyday
mundanity,your joys and sorrows,and show me your true self.
Not money,not status,not a relationship,definitely not sex- these are
not things I want from you.

Does it happen?Not often.

People these days are very choosy about who they include in their lives.

After a while, silences build up and ages pass by before a word is
exchanged and slowly but inevitably reality sinks in.
Broken expectations or not, the mind which initially refuses to
accept, wears down , giving way to resistance .Its gradual numbing
down of senses is a feeling akin to that a body experiences when
easing oneself into a hot-hotwater tub.
Immediately after the first plunge , the body screams 'Yoicks ! " ,
but after a while the water does not feel so hot anymore and you end
up comfortably numb.

All I need to do is plunge headlong into my work, go deeper, immerse
myself so deeply that everything else becomes a needless distraction,
a white noise. And although I don't want my expectations broken , I
end up comfortably numb.Peace Within.
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