Prison diary 3

The general consensus amongst the ship staff here is that our chief
cook likes to hump the eggplant casserole before

serving it to us.

Why?

Because his eggplant casserole always tastes so fucked up!

Our chief cook ought to write a book on weight loss.It should be
titled '101 ways to cook with capsicum and potatoes'

or in the ship staff's most favourite ,'How to fuck up food and get
cursed a lot' or the crowd favourite 'All you

wanted to know about culinary torture , but were afraid to ask'

Would his cook book work?

You betcha!
On mondays we have capsicum-potato curry
On tuesdays we have fried capsicum-potatoes
On wednesdays we have capsicum-potato broth
On thursdays we have boiled capsicum-potato combo lightly sprinkled
with salt and pepper
On fridays we have sauteed capsicum-potato lightly sprinkled with chilli powder.
On saturdays we have Gangbanged up the ass Eggplant Bukkake casserole.
Sundays are fast food days and we have Fuckin' soggy French fries
(pardon my french and pass the mustard please) and

capsicum cheese potato pizza.

You know how hard it is for me to gain weight?I had gained enough
weight for people to call me a fatso.And now...

Damn you.

DAMN YOU COOKIE!

I'll be back to my original weight before you can say 'Gangbanged up
the Ass Eggplant Bukkake casserole'.

Hey weight watchers! Hey fatsos! Hey anorexia addicts!
Try my chief cook.
Your weight will melt off faster than ice in the sahara!
You want a better analogy?
Your weight will melt off faster than a stick butter in an active volcano.
You want a dirty analogy?
Your weight will melt off faster than you can say
'Gangbanged up the Ass Eggplant Bukkake casserole'.

Today we stumbled upon the 'Law of Conservation of Problems'.This is
almost 'Dilbertian' in concept.

Two people signed off and went home today.
Someone remarked that those two people were the luckiest people in the
whole world, because from the time they

stepped off the gangway till the time they reach their respective
homes, they will be the only people who have no

problems.

We elaborated further.

It wasn't like these people didn't have any problems.All the problems
they had on the ship were simply transferred

to their relievers while all the problems on the homefront were still
on the distant horizon.So, for a brief period

of time, the people who signed off were in the so called 'Problem
Limbo', which is not to be confused with the

'Phantom Zone' or the dance in which inebriated people slide under
horizontal poles.(can a pole ever be horizontal?

Won't the pole lose it's 'pole-ness', when it becomes horizontal? Your
answers are welcome)

It wasn't that their problems had disappeared, but that the offsigners
were in a location where problems had not yet

found them.As soon as they reached home, these people and their
problems (wives,children,mortgages,bills) would be

united once again as a one big happy family.

But thinking that one could escape from his or her problems by staying
at the 'Problem Limbo' is an illusion.If you

stay in the 'Problem Limbo' for long enough, you change the properties
og the Limbo itself.Problems either seek you

or you seek out new problems.You must realize that problems and humans
are like soul-mates.We are bound to be

attracted to each other.

You go on a vacation to escape your problems, but if you overstay,
your problems will come in search of you, or you

will go in search of new ones.


Thus we fell upon the 'Law of conservation of Problems', which goes,
"Problems can be created, problems can be solved, but it is most
likely that problems will be transferred from one

person to the other"
x-x-x

Time is fluid.I keep telling this because you do not realize that time
is a man made concept.
Its been six months since I've joined,and the last few days will drag
out interminably.
The first few months flew like a sick sparrow, but now time will drag
like a limping snake.

WITH DAYS THAT FEEL SO LONG , HOW DID SO MANY MONTHS PASS SO QUICKLY?

Soon It will be time to sign off and I'll be dreading the day I'll be
returning home.
Its true,its like being in prison.Although you constantly yearn to get
out ,once you do, you want to go back in as

soon as possible.



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