Going to South America.
So this will be the last post for sometime to come.
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Monday, August 17, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Love In Beijing
Technically the title should have been 'Love In Qinhuandao' but 'Love in Beijing' is a more marketable name IMHO.
The truth is, although Beijing is 2 hours away(by train) from Qinhuandao,I haven't been there yet.I don't think I'll be able to go there as the ship will be in china only for a few more days before heading towards South America...Hot Tamale Latina Mamasitas! here I come!
Well this should also be titled "Shoreleave Pt 2",as this can involves yet another surreal experience on a boys day out.
Ok...I'm not a night owl.I prefer the day for my explorations-but once in a while I want to experience the dark side of the moon.
But since I've arranged my schedule on a permanent manner to be free during day and work early mornings and late evenings, I'm left with the only option to go out during the day.
'Teen saab! Will you be going out this afternoon?'
'Yes'
'Ok...I'm coming with you'
I've told him not to call me sir.It irritates me...we are colleagues, equals although in different departments,but he feels he must show me respect.
He foolishly attributes magical qualities to me.He secretly wants to be like me...but thinks he never can...I used to think that way once.
'Sure! But We go where I go...'
'Yeah Yeah...No problem saab'
There...he did it again.
Everytime he calls me Sir,he makes me feel old.
He is 6 months older than me.
We go out,to the nearest mall-predictably so.
Right before my eyes the entire world is turning into 'The Mall-Lands of Generica'.
It is a fast spreading disease-perhaps viral,but I see homogenised malls popping up everywhere- and ubiquitous brand names showing up like an urban plague.
There's a KFC in Shanhaiguan.There's a McDonalds in Qinhuandao...Nike,Adidas,Kappa,iPod,Nokia.Coke,Pepsi et al are being stamped into our very consciousnesses and blurring and merging with our realities.
In the city,be it in any country,any continent - malls are taking over.
Holy Shit!
Giant Evil Malls are taking over the world -and turning humans into consumerist zombies.
' Have Money?
Buy happiness! '
is what these Giant Evil Malls want us to believe - titillating the human zombies by a barrage of endless streams of empty noise (aka advertisement) into buying stuff that they probably didn't need by working a job that they probably hate.
HOLY SHIT!
GIANT EVIL MALLS ARE TAKING OVER THE WORLD ! (Oh! and if you are still interested - they are turning humans into consumerist zombies)
I see the charm of the city being diminished - there is not much fun when you see seven malls in a row and realize at the sixth one that last five weren't really that different from the one that you are in-and you just wasted a lot of effort repeating a pointless activity.
As a seafarer, I see that ther modern breed of seafarers only goes to malls of every city-and all they have are generic memories and advertising slogans and jingles to take back home.Wasted memories.
Go to most malls and you already know that there is a food court- with all the major fat foods brands (fast food -Anagram-fat foods), a megamall,a few apparel stores,a few cosmetic stores-perhaps a multiplex,the parking lot,the aseptic washrooms...a few features will be changed-but the basic premise of the provided experience is the same in every place.
We go to some forgettable mall -there are twelve more in that block alone -the recirculated stale air conditioned air,the desperate looks of the salespeople,the general hum and din of the crowds- they all greet us in.
He has to buy some gifts for his nephews and nieces...I have time to kill.
In the end we both buy stuff that we don't need -a toy remote contrl helicopter he claims is for his 2 year old nephew (I don't believe you.At 2 years he'll be using the RC as a pacifier), and I buy a soft teddy dog ,which I tell him is for my girlfriend.
Which one?... he asks.
I haven't decided yet... I say.
He thinks I have three girlfriends-and that I'm a ladykiller,a real life casanova,don juan etc etc...
My inventive stories have certainly worked on him.
I cant admit it that I bought it because in a brief moment of temporary insanity, it looked like Moti when it was a puppy -just as soft- that would be simply too weird to admit.
Now I have to gift it to somebody -preferably mom (tell her it looks like Moti and hope for the best)
After the mall I'm promised a tour of the dark side of the moon.I've been waiting for this.
He is a vampire- a creature of the night and knows all the places that go thump in the night.He promises to take me there...
We go to KTV - a popular chain of chinese karaoke bars -and sit down with a couple of buds.
That's budweisers to you bub.
I can somehow tolerate beer - two bottles at most.
I know its not manly to admit it -but I never learned how to drink.
Two bottles -and I feel woozy...and I stop.
For the most of the time -I don't drink at all.
So there we are -somehow once again in a familiar situation -on the dark side of the moon and deja vu strikes-Hey ! Now I know why I don't do this...It's because I don't like it.Doh!
But I'm there with the buds...the manager directs us to our sofa...right in front of a bunch of teenagers.
What are these kids doing here?... I wonder
Oh well, at least they aren't drinking...they are all hooked to something more addictive -texting each other.
I don't pay them much attention- a boy and three girls-chattering away intermittently to each other and on their cell phones.
Soon the guy drags a girl behind us and announces in a very loud shrilly voice 'This girl...this girl very beautiful...my girlfriend ...I kiss'
The announcement is in english-clearly for us.We are forced spectators.She fights him off as he tries to kiss her.
The girl melts in embarrassment.The boy is clearly delighted.In the concrete jungle, he has staked his claim on his chosen mate.
He is the alpha male.He rules the jungle for now.
I ignore him.
In the jungle, the quiet jungle, the lion sleeps tonight.
The lion does not bother too much about the lowly gnat.
She sits there embarrassed and squirming,looking at me from the corner of her eye.
The other girl starts staring at me...the cute one.
She says Hi.
Hi There!
I go back to staring at my cell phone.
She continues to stare.
She must know...I don't go after young girls...like her...too young...the conversations are terrible at best.
Older ones are smart enough to engage me in a proper conversation.
She says Hi again.
Hi! how are you ?
Ni hao!
She laughs.
I love you very much...she says.
Not missing a beat, I reply 'I love you too!'
Clearly their gang is amused.They start laughing.
She smiles.
My colleague's jaw drops a mile.
His bud nearly slips from his hands.
He has witnessed something amazing.
Random chicks are chatting up with me...just like that...without any effort from my side.
So it must be true...three girlfriends and all that spiel.
If he only knew.
Clearly the guy sitting next to the girl seems agiatated.
He has something to say.
I love You...he says to my colleague!
And my colleague is left sputtering...I'm not gay you bastard! He says.
They all laugh again.
She says bye bye...
And I wave at her, and continue to ignore her.
Man ! I love shoreleave.
Friday, August 14, 2009
In My Dreams
I've been busy lately...insanely busy.Sometimes I find I have no time to breathe...
INSPIRE-EXPIRE-PERSPIRE the cycle continues.
My feet officially hate me,so does my back.I've taken them for granted for too long...using and abusing them for my whims and fancies.
But with the all consuming tiredness, my nights are dead, if not for a few dreams, too vivid and colourful to be comforting.
I've been having dreams lately...a wild cocktail, a lethal combination of visions,premonitions,madness and melancholy.
Dreams with people visiting now, who disappeared long time ago.Each of these people - once important - twice removed - they all come on stage in a new role they play.
I found a sulking soldier outside my house...I recognised him as my old friend..but we are no longer friends,as we were once.He was trying to return home.He was hungry.He was tired.I think he died in my dream.
And you my dear, I found sleeping unsoundly , in my room, on my bed.
No.We did not - sleep together.If that were so, it would be the highlight of my story so far.
Instead , I found you distressed - unable to sleep- because you felt a presence beside you when your eyes remained closed, but could find no one with your eyes wide open.
In my dream, I remember seeing myself - in third person-I was the actor and I was the observer-simultaneously...it is unsettling to experience duality - to overcome the feeling of heady insuperable vertigo.
And I could see through my observer's eyes, the look of concern in my actor's eyes as I tried to calm you down with a story about guardian angels.
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Thursday, August 13, 2009
Some Links
http://www.elle.com/Living/Society-Culture/Living-Apart-Together
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/200908/are-women-always-more-selective-in-mate-choice-men-i
And lastly...
And lastly...
Slate has always been a provider of interesting trivia.
Losing Streak
The year 2008-09 has been very bad for the family.
We lost a lot.
I lost my teeth.The car had a major breakdown.Then there was that accident.
Then kappachi died (moti's live-in girlfriend), then Chinni died,Moti died,and yesterday chubby died.
Within the span of a few months all our long time pets died.
They are no more.
Emptiness echoes in the hallways.
The unused bag of cat food mocks at us.
Mom found chubby dead and decomposing in the neighbours backyard.
Just a day ago she was fine,doing what all spoiled house cats do...and now ,in an unmarked grave lies chubby's body.
And she is gone.
We humans have lied to ourselves for too long.
Sanctity of life is bullshit.
Nature,world,life,universe - call it what you may , but it does not give a farting rat's ass about the value of
life - or of all the lives intertwined with that life.
All it cares about is perpetuity...or maybe it is uncaring as it seems.
What? What is the point of investigating how and why a healthy cat was found dead just like that?
All the more grief.
Grief is natural...we grieve for all the future possibilities and the lost potential that the being had,we grieve
because we know we can never recreate the magic that we once took for granted and we grieve for the sudden vacuum
that now exists and has replaced the constant to and fro- flow of love.
Life was never fair,we knew that...but did it have to be so cruel?
I hate to see mom cry...and she broke down even as she tried to convey the news.
Moti died right in front of my eyes...I couldn't believe moti was gone.His body lay there still warm,his fur still
soft,but moti was gone.
I was still stroking his now lifeless body,my fingers running through his thick and soft fur, and I could still
grab his jowls and all the loose folds of his neck.
Moti was gone.
This was the last time I would ever do it- feel his soft body , something I enjoyed doing everyday,something we
all did everyday - he was so soft -it was always a pleasure to feel him,touch him,hold him.
This was the last time I would smell him.
Did he have to die?
Don't be stupid...everybody dies...if you live long enough you'll have the privilege of seeing all your loved ones
die around you.
At some point your conversations will be only about all the dead ones you've surpassed.
"Did you know X...He died last fortnight...and Y, well they say cancer, but I'm not so sure..."
Beware of the long life...
Also I've noticed that cell phones and all these new gadgets have become adult pacifiers...but in a weird way...people go WAAAAH! when their gadgets get taken away from them.
Just like me.
I lost my cell phone today...
What that means is I lost all my contact details...
And I had to make a call tomorrow, which I probably cannot.
WAAAAH!
And thus the losing streak continues.
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Monday, August 10, 2009
Momentum
I can feel it building.
Negative Momentum of Sociability.
Just a fancy schmanzy term for what's going on with me right now.
Its just a phase...one that comes and goes every now and then.
A phase where I simply eschew all social contact - retreat into my cave and hibernate.
But the momentum is building.
The more I distance myself, the faster the vortex spins-spiralling- sucking me inside -farther and farther away.
I want to break free.
How long has it been? More than a week...maybe a month.I look at her phone number as if it were the only thing that could save me.
No doubt, it has worked before.
She's been saving me without even knowing it... always there,arms wide open.
Even now as she sleeps, I could wake her up and still hear her smile.
Maybe I'll call her tomorrow, I tell myself,like I'm in no hurry.
But doubt creeps in...Where is all this going? Does she know what's on my mind? Do I know what she wants? How will all this end?
The cave is cold...so cold it induces a narcoleptic sleep and sluggish inactivity.
Her words have fire and glowing embers of warmth - they can thaw,wake me up inside...or so I believe.Even placebos can be all powerful.
But I'm afraid my momentum is too great to resist.What if...
I'm a juggernaut incapable of being stopped.
I find myself in invisible mode,avoiding a sea of people who might want to contact.
A pseudo-hermit in practice of absence.
True absence -an existence in vacuum.
All my excuses are extinct.I have no reason to procrastinate but procrastination itself.
I type her number...hesitate...cancel...castigate myself.
Coward! Spineless Weakling! Fucking Moron!
It's just a call.
No it's not.
It might pull me out of the vortex.
It might just save my life.
And I might not want it.
And Then What?
Friday, August 7, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
When in China...
When in China...
This old adage(that I just made up) might prove fatal for some.
'When in China, Eat Chinese'
Whenever I scarf into chocolates in china (my one weakness) , I'm wary about all the melamine that could be in it.
If I'm lucky I'll end up with a thick protective coating of furniture polish in my stomach lining.If not a cast
iron stomach, I could atleast boast of shiny polished innards...If I'm lucky.
A 76 year old technician came onboard yesterday.
He looked only sixty.
What was his secret?
Two packs a day,he confesses.
Nicotine Nirvana?
No.He's just a genetic anomaly.Lucky bastard.
He offers me a stick.I refuse politely.
He expounds his theory.
'You smoke you die...'
and pauses...
'You smoke you die...you don't smoke you die...better die smoking'
Fuckyouverymuch...I mean nothankyouverymuch.
I'd rather die not smoking.
Melamine will kill you.
But a quick glance at the ingredient label (wherever and whenever found in english) tells me that my chocolate
contains no melamine,lead,mercury,chalkpowder or any other opportunities for a slow and painful death.
And I believe in labels.
Yeah right.
Tengo Hambre
At first it gnaws fiercely inside.
That is to be expected,
but soon hunger gives up and keeps quiet without raising its hackles.
It shows up later,
as frequent headaches,
a persistent brain fog,
but you don't see it creep up,
somewhat like the myopia.
Myopia...
Until that day you could read well,
but then all you could remember was the headaches
that went away with a visit to the optometrist
Oh!,that's just your eyes
he says and slaps on a pair of glasses
and expects your headaches to disappear.
You don't remember your vision steadily declining,
and as far as you knew it was always fine,
and then bam! Just like that
you begin to see fuzzyblurry words
and the more you try to focus
the worse your headache gets.
Back to Hunger...
Water seems to quell hunger...
A fantastic,perhaps grotesque idea
but what if all the hunger in the world could be quelled by water.
It would be temporary,
just like hunger quelled by food,
so there would be no difference.
Now all we had to do was provide clean water
and pray for world peace.
As one gets used to hunger,
it loses its bite
and after a while,
and with enough water
one can ignore it,
and every now and then
let it nibble inside,and gnaw
and rest for a while,and gnaw again
In Spanish, they say 'tengo hambre'...I have hunger.
It is not the same as in English.
In English you say 'I am hungry'...
Other European languages somehow capture the truth
when they claim 'I have hunger'
Where do you have hunger,
is it In you,On you or Over you ,
dangling like a proverbial sword of Damocles?
Do you have hunger or does it have you?
'Tengo hambre'...repeat the mantra...I have hunger.
It is in me.
It makes me sleepy,forgetful and irritable.
It makes me cranky,grouchy,sombre.
But it's a well matched fight.
And I still have hunger
but it does not have me.
Demands
Be Honest: Tell me what you need from me,and I'll tell you if it's possible.I promise I will not hate you.
Being Honest:Maybe someday I'll tell you what I really want but promise me that you won't stop loving me.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
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