I'm not saying that sailors are dumb but my cadet still
believes in the old twenty four dimensional model of the superstring theory
of the universe over the new one only with square root of minus one
dimensions.
For a copy of this new theory , feel free to
contact me , as I'm the co-author of the new book, 'Uses of Superstring
Theory in Saltwater Taffy Production ' which I proudly co-wrote with my
imaginary friend Bob. Bob's full nickname is Bob Bob because his real name
is Robert Robert.
Bob Bob is a professional fear monger by day, and a backyard
armchair theoretical physicist at night. Occasionally he likes to wear his
boxers outside his pants and pretend to be superman.
Bob's favorite joke was 'An atom is just an e less than a
body .No one thought that this joke of his would cause his untimely demise.
He said this to his dentist , who in a fit of laughter overdosed him with
nitrous oxide.
At least he died with a smile on his face !The generous
dentist then gave him a root canal on the house. We need more of such
dentists.
The other day I overheard two helmsmen talk about the is-ness and isn't-ness
of time.
One of them was Socratic in his argument.
He said
"Here is a clock that shows time."
"There is another clock that shows time."
"Time has been verified by two independent sources."
"Therefore time exists."
His argument was quickly dismantled by the other when he removed the
batteries out of both the clocks.
The other went into the realm of metaphysical and superhuman. He said that
either time existed or the Captain of the ship was actually superman.
He said that the Captain had the power to alter time and space and bend
reality itself to his whims with his symbol of individuality. When asked to
explain , he said that he saw the captain making false entries in the log
book and then signing it ergo he altered time-space and reality itself.
But then his doubts were cleared when he found the captain flying across the
forecastle deck wearing a red cape and tights.
And today I saw pigs flying in a kitchen sink across a blue moon. I think I
have nothing left to see in life.
We are facing a crisis that is testing the physical, mental
limits of every man. We are facing the Great Cigarette Shortage. No crisis
ever so tragic has been documented in the short history of this ship, apart
from the Great water shortage circa May 2008.
Hungry people have experimented with alternatives that
included carrots and pencils. The alternatives have proved to be very
unsatisfying as carrots don't catch fire that easily and burning eraser tips
are found to have an odor that is far worse than that of burning tobacco.
Even non-smokers like me are facing withdrawal symptoms. I've begun
hallucinating, I think, because I can hear my lungs thanking me daily for
not exposing them to huge amounts of second hand smoke.
Experiments with new alternatives for cigarettes have begun
amongst desperate smokers and most of them believe that burning candles are
the next best alternative. Attempts at stuffing candles with dried lettuce
is underway.
Will keep you updated with the latest news.
Cigarettes are used for as currency against favors
here in shipping. The pilot demands 10 cartons of Marlboro Whites for a
speedy transit, while the customs officer demands three each for his
cronies, and the immigration officer won't issue shore leave passes until
he gets his share (which depends entirely on his wife's mood swings).
All these remind me of the good old prison days. I feel so at home.
Received: from C6XB2 at Globe Wireless; Thu, 02 Oct 2008 05:06 UTC
Message-id: 389233554S191
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