When a relationship ends, is a sudden break desirable over a slow tapering off? Is it easier to part ways with immediate effect or is a long drawn out, slow withdrawal better?
In an age when youngsters and more prominently stars, end relationships with one sharp text message, would anyone opt for the poignancy of The Last Ride Together?
Considering how fast youngsters move from relationship to relationship, one wonders if people mourn the loss of a relationship less today, or if somehow the window of grief has shortened and healing become easier. Who wants to waste time mourning the loss of one love when another is just waiting to happen, what with enough options and a more open attitude towards love and loving! And so people seem to prefer fast, clean breaks, with nobody wanting to spare the time for a paced out withdrawal.
Says a friend who broke up with her husband not long back, “We drew out the bitter exchanges and analysis too long. There’s nothing deader than a dead relationship, believe me. And sooner you accept that, the better. I suffered and so did the children. What’s the idea of saying hurtful things to each other or playing a blame game? There is never any right time to say goodbye. The thread just has to be cut, neat and clean.”
Countering her, a colleague says she would prefer time to get used to the idea of being without her partner, were they to decide on splitting. She feels that a couple can help each other cope with the pain of parting, because there’s bound to be pain on both sides, which nobody would understand other than the affected party. Seems an idyllic situation, and if they are so concerned about each other, why are they breaking up anyway!
As for a poignant farewell, does anybody today invest as deeply in love as Robert Browning who after accepting his beloved’s decision to reject him, requests for just one last ride together so he can soak up the pleasure of her company one last time - seemingly enough to last him a lifetime! And in doing so, discovers that for him, love by itself is glorious and satisfying! Beyond a point whether or not the beloved is with him, is something that doesn’t affect the intensity and enjoyment of his state of love, which is its own reward!
My last thought was at least not vain:
I and my mistress,
side by side Shall be together,
breathe and ride...
So, one day more am I deified.
Who knows but the world may end tonight?
Admirable thoughts indeed! Today most relationships end in such bitterness that couples wouldn’t want to see each other's face, let alone go for a last ride, or in the present context, a last drive together. And yet, were the couple to park their animosities for each other, think of the poignancy of such a venture!
The deep intensity of emotions, knowing this is the last togetherness; the heightened awareness of each other knowing these moments will never come back again, and the attempt to make the most of an evening so as to record it forever in memory. Wonder if Kareena felt any of this when she defied Saif Ali Khan to go to the premiere of former lover Shahid’s latest film, Kismet Konnection ? Or, when they both exchanged pleasant messages and credited each other at Award functions with the success of their joint venture Jab We Met ? Was it their version of The Last Ride Together ?
How anybody reacts to a break really depends on the way a relationship snaps. If it is a gradual moving away from each other as you grow in different directions and priorities change, the slow breaking down can be felt by both and that in itself is a preparation for the final break. In such a case, the couple may yet end up friends.
On the other hand, if one of the two didn’t see the break come at all, the blow dealt when it actually happens is sharp indeed. The grieving in the second instance can be akin to what would be felt upon the sudden death of a partner. There is a dazed quality to the grieving, shock, guilt, sorrow and a numbness. People suffer more when the loss is sudden because they were not able to say goodbye.
Fact is that nobody can really be prepared for something as final as death. Knowing in advance could screw up the remainder of your days. It may give you enough time to ensure your affairs in order and to help prepare loved ones for the imminent loss, but how many people would be able to cope with such a knowledge?
One thing however is clear. If we had been meant to know, we would have known. Obviously God never meant us to. In fact, responsible astrologers, even if they spy an indication of death in someone’s hand, either issue a warning to be careful or prefer to keep their silence.
There’s never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go Our separate ways
And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,
And it’s killing me
Cause there’s never a right time
Right time to say goodbye Say Goodbye... (Chris Brown)
-TOI
