There was trouble in bohemia now.The ugly truth was going to erupt any moment now , like an ugly zit on the top of your nose when you are going out on a date with that hot chick next door.
I was petrified , shaking in my boots , but I could not show my fear to anyone , especially the girl next to me , my lab partner , whom I had a crush on for over a year , but could not muster enough courage to talk to.
I had just graduated from making and breaking eye contact with her to making small talk, you know silly stuff like "How was your day ?" or "Did you see what that skank was wearing ?" ...
or.... " Hey ! , Nice eyeliner"
"Oh , you noticed ! It's a new shade called funkpeach 416 s "
" Duh ! How could I not notice ?" ( funkpeach 416 !!! WTF!)
Fate can be cruel sometimes ! It took me a year to talk to her , and there she was , falling for the guy who sat next to me !
I mean , who could blame her ?
What did I have to offer ? A face full of zits ? (They are not zits babe , just call them love bumps ) ,
A ridiculous mustache that looked like a rat had gnawed on ?
A chubby body prone to extreme sweating ?
Hey atleast I still had my Good Sense Of Humour (GSOH)....WRONG !
The guy next to me , well he had bushy eyebrows , a fierce anger and a deep mellowy voice that would melt the panties off any girl.
Me ?
I Didn't talk , I squeaked in a little girls voice !
The lab assistant started handing out the cockroaches .I watched her reactions and facial expressions closely .If I saw fear I would exploit it ! HAW HAW HAW.... Ain't I the devious One ?
Turns out , she wasn't afraid of cockroaches.The lab assistant threw cockroaches at us and I just jumped out of my skin.
Way to go !
This is the way to impress chicks !
Keep it up and you'll die a virgin !
She casually picked up her cockroach , but noticed that I didn't .I still had the classic mortified look .
Was it pity ? Was it disgust ? Well whatever it was , she picked up my cockroach and anded it over to me.
An old Eagles song came to my mind ...
"Take another shot of courage
Wonder why the right words never come, you just get numb
It's another tequila sunrise..."
I needed a Tequila and a shot of courage now.
I closed my eyes and grabbed the cockroach.Cockroaches are soft and pillowy , like the plastic bubble wrap on the candy.The poor thing was dead , it woould'nt bite .
I did what the Bio teacher had demonstrated.
I gutted my first cockroach and got smeared by white cockroach blood.
Phew ! What a relief.Strangely it was yucky and yet disgustingly satisfying !
My dissection turned out to be quite good.
I somehow had gotten a pregnant cockroach .The Bio teach was impressed and showed my mounted carcass (of the cockroach) to the entire class.
Something else had died along with Joe and melissa and other countless cockroaches .
I no longer felt disgusted or scared by cockroaches.Nor did I feel guilty for partaking in the murder and grotesque display of a pregnant nameless cockroach.There was no more love for anyone , not for my dead cockroaches ,or for my dead cat or for the girl who sat next to me.
I guess my humanity and conscience died along with all the cockroaches and my irrational fear of cockroaches.
The End (Phew !)
Man, you really had a fear of cockroaches dude. My dissection wasn't half as interesting. The dissection class was what i was looking forward to throughout the year. We had KBR for the dissection classes, i was the first person to finish the dissection in our section, thats how enthu i was about the whole thing. Then again, in the blood test thing, i had finished piercing myself before the lecturer had asked us to.
ReplyDeletelooks like you're living up to your reputation an the grim reaper. lol!
ReplyDeleteso you have to thank the roaches for courage? did i get that right? (the spartans will be sooo disappointed. lol!)
ReplyDeletefiction , people , Fiction.
ReplyDeleteMe no scared of no cockroach , me Beeg Guy , me squish cockroach , me strong...me kill cockroach like ....like ..cockroach.
A new class of fiction created by me to rival chick-lit.
Dude-lit; self indulgent, refreshingly irrelevant , immature and relaxingly candid and occasionally funny --just like chick-lit !
Aimed at Jonny Bravo-esque Himbos who can read (provided that they have free time left after gelling their hair and bulking up )
Rejected name(s) : Dick-lit-- It had to be rejected because of its suspicious connotations with the certain people of questionable legal status !
Hey ! I don't get visions of hell or bricks thrown at me , so let me work with cocroach stories with transvestite killer bears !
Ever had to write something that went out of control and became too big .This story was one of those .which went totally out of control and kept growing like a 50 foot amazonian warrior.
Which brings me to my next topic ; male bashing.
ReplyDeleteSpartans come and spartans go !
ReplyDeleteBut Ahh , you see cockroaches , are the true inheritors of the earth .
once apocalyse comes , you'll only cockroaches on earth.
It will be the new eden .There'll be no bug spray !
And , by serving the dark lord Moldywart (thats what the head kahuna cockroach wants to be called) , I'll be spared , but not you !
HA HA HA (diabolical laughter ensues )
Haven't i seen that in an episode of Dexters Lab?
ReplyDeleteThere's certainly no contesting that. Even I have to bow down to the genetic infalliability of the roaches.
ReplyDeleteI read somewhere that 10 cockroaches can survive on the gum at the back of a postage stamp for more than a week...
ReplyDeleteAll true , also Cockraoches can also withstand 6 times the lethal dosage of radiation for humans.
ReplyDeleteHouseflies are much stronger , withstanding upto 30 times the lethal dosage .
Guess the new Eden will be repopulated by cockroaches and houseflies