TEOTWAKI and Mickey

"What is TEOTWAWKI?", she asks.

I don't know.

"Just another beginning that we know nothing of"

"I'll show you a way to destroy the world, one mp3 file at a time", promises the girl I've never seen as she really is, but always as she wants me to.

She tells me she types without a single backspace.

"Suppose you've got an mp3 file of a band's unreleased song.Assume that it was composed by your rockstar boyfriend-just for you, and its the only copy that exists in the world."

"I didn't say you were gay or anything...I just assumed you were a pussy"

"Ok, now if you erase that mp3 file, it will never be possible to recover exactly that particular performance.To erase is to destroy a small part of history"

"Your action has caused a small uncertainty about the past state of the world, and uncertainty is entropy, and ergo you have increased the overall entropy and pushed the world in a death spiral from which it may never recover" 

TEOTWAKI...death by mp3.

I still don't understand it.

"Uh huh...its just another beginning we know nothing of"

"But the world is dying anyway...whether you increase it's entropy or not"

She tells me she types without a single backspace.

I believe her.

But I don't understand her.

"Did you know The sun and the moon were twins?"

"Popol Vuh tells us the legend of the twin brothers were skilled at a traditional ball game."

"It's the Mayan bible, you idiot"

I'll believe anything she says.

"These twins-when they played, made so much noise that they woke up the gods of Xibalba, who challenged them to a contest"

"Naturally, the gods defeated the twins, sacrificed them, and buried their bodies under the ball court...talk about overkill!"

"The head of one brother, Hun Hunaphu was hung on a tree of human like calabash gourds"

"A goddess named Xquic heard of this strange tree and decided to see it herself.When she approached, Hun Hunahpu's head spat into her hand, impregnating her with Hunahpu and Xbalanque, the brothers known as Hero Twins"

It reminds me of a book I saw,titled"Intimacy with God"

It with other Sex "How to" manuals.

She tells me she types without a single backspace.

Note to self:Must learn touch typing?

Everyone wants to make a goddess out of me, but all I want to be is Mickey Mouse, she once said...later attributing it Fitzgerald, the writer.

           "In time, the twins became great ball players like their father and uncle.Gods of Xibalba, asked for a rematch, defeated them, ground their bones, and threw them into a river"

Mickey Mouse was actually supposed to be Mortimer Mouse.

I still don't know what Goofy is-certainly not a gander,gorilla or a giraffe.

"There the Hero Twins were reborn, first and fish and then they slowly evolved into itinerant performers Returning to Xibalba for revenge, the Hero twins contrived an ingenious trap.After they demonstrated a variety of astonishing feats, Xbalanque beheaded Hunahpu-and then made him whole again."

Why is calliope essentially female?

Has there ever been a male counterpart?

"The gods were so delighted with the beheading rick that they begged to partake in the same trick.The Hero twins appeared happy to oblige and began to dismember the Gods"

Is now love blinder than ever? 

If one can fall in love with nothing but the finite permutations and combinations of 26 alphabets that come on a computer screen ?

but offer infinite meanings?

Where do all the lost meanings end up?

What do they all add up to?

"As soon as the gods were all but dismembered, the Hero twins delivered their ultimate blow by refusing to restore the Gods into their original state"

Belief in a cruel God makes a cruel man, said someone many years ago.

Humans are forgetful...history is not.

Do I claim it as my own now?

Does it matter?

All she wants to be is Mickey Mouse.

I'm far from mortified.

"The Hero twins emerged victorious from Xibalba-and rose as the Sun and the Moon.Each day they reenact their journey to the underworld and their joyful return"

"The End!"

I want to say-death destroys a man, but the idea of death saves him.

What does it mean?

"Guatemala"

"I'm going there this summer,with a friend"

I'm afraid to ask.

No, lets be honest.

I'm afraid to know what I think I already know.

If the whole is greater than the sum of its parts but parts of me feel like they are holed in places and hastily patched up, where do I stand?

       I've lost my confidence that I understand anything in this world...my personal meaning, however inadequate is all I have.

It is not a humbling insight.

It terrifies me.

You can be my Mickey Mouse, if can I be your anything?