The parable.

One day a monk asks a woodcutter, who is hacking away at the tree, "How many hours do you need to cut a tree?"
"Four hours", replies the woodcutter.
"And how do you cut a tree in four hours?"asks the monk.
"I sharpen my axe for the first three hours and cutting the tree takes me only one hour"says the woodcutter.

And throughout the insightful conversation, and while the parable plays through the edges of our consciousness, no one notices the weeping tree.

Buddha hoga tera baap!

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.
-Buddha

But Buddha, what about confirmation bias???

Surely, an enlightened man such as you must know that we humans like to believe only in what we already believe to be true.
Common sense is a moot point with most humans.
It is far more convenient than to constantly change your beliefs based on new evidence(be it true or false), and would surely drive a normal man such as me towards insanity.
Only a Buddha would not go insane.
I am not Buddha...not yet...but philosoraptors say that meta-recognition is the first step towards being Buddha.

Buddha hoga tera baap...and someday maybe myself too.

The great Taoist master Chuang Tzu once dreamt that he was a butterfly fluttering here and there.
In  the  dream  he  had  no  awareness  of  his  individuality  as  a  person.  He  was  only  a  butterfly.
Suddenly, he awoke and found himself laying there, a person once again. But then he thought to
himself, "Was I before a man who dreamt about being a butterfly, or am I now a butterfly who
dreams about being a man?"

I wish I knew when I was dreaming and when I was zzzz...

Be a zen master.                            
                When the spiritual teacher and his disciples began their evening meditation, the cat that lived in the monastery made such noise that it distracted them. So the teacher ordered that the cat be tied up during the evening practice. Years later, when the teacher died, the cat continued to be tied up during the meditation session. And when the cat eventually died, another cat was brought to the monastery  and  tied  up.  Centuries  later,  learned  descendants  of  the  spiritual  teacher  wrote scholarly treatises about the religious significance of tying up a cat for meditation practice. 

Horizon

There.

In the direction I'm pointing...

that's my horizon.

Can you see it?
Probably not.

There is no way you can see
what I can see,
or for me to see what you just saw...
but I wish it were possible.

Genie!
My three wishes are
foresight, hindsight and insight...
in any order.

Well, that's my horizon,
and I pretty much can't see anything beyond it,
so that's my border.

It reminds me of an invisible boundary,
that I've never really  tried to touch.

Have you ever wondered if the setting sun is noisy?
I'd expect it so,
with it's sinking slowly over the horizon,
into the sea, I assume.
I'd also expect a lot of steam.
As a kid,
that's where I thought clouds came from.


On the one side of my horizon
I can see a setting sun,
and on it's opposite I know that it will rise again,
while all around
the waves keep lapping and the clouds form and dissolve,
endlessly.

But I know for a fact
that the higher I go,
the further my horizon keeps extending,
and farther I can see,
and my invisible boundary will stretch out, unfold and widen,
endlessly.

Then maybe see what I've never seen before,
and if I could make sense of it,
maybe know,
what I've never known.

So the ideal place to be,
for you and me would be,
on the top of the world isn't it?

I don't know about you,
but I'd frankly miss the waves lapping at my feet.

Generation Gapped!

I have always had a ten-year generation gap with anyone who is two years younger than I am.
I am not a grammar Nazi but their language and usage confounds me.

Their topics all seem Greek, Latin & Mandarin.

I don't understand the music they listen to...I'm still stuck to the same music that I liked ten years ago because it is safe and familiar, while venturing into new music (is it music?) feels like rushing into a dark alley in sin city.
 Video might have killed the radio star, but reality shows definitely killed the music videos.
Whatever happened to all the music channels?

I never knew it was cool to be a loser...apparently kids these days think its ok to display infinite amounts of stupidity.(Not that we were any smarter-but we hid our stupidity much better  and we still do)

They always seem to be two steps ahead of me...or behind, if that is the "In Thing" with them.
You know, that is another thing that bothers me...things that are in or out, or things that were like five minutes ago, or soooo like yesterday.
I guess that makes me...soooo like day before yesterday.

Anyone three years younger than me-a KID!

That's how I see them, and that’s how I’m going to treat them-like a juvenile-post-pubescent-hormone crazed-delinquent.
Which was why I was lucky enough to find a wife whose age was not an issue...I had the good luck of finding a girl who was just within the two year limit...someone who had faced life as an adult-but more importantly someone who could treat me like her baby.
Yep! With her, I get to be the kid, cuz she is the more mature one.
Ga ga goo goo baby!

Once upon a time,
I was full of vitriol
and bile,
but now on antacids
for quite some while,
but the row of teeth that you see
is not from a grin or a smile
its grit and determination
and just a pinch of guile



I usually don't open my mouth while people are being stupid...they think I'm trying to compete and outdo them .

What is a pregnant goldfish called?

A bubble is round because the air within it presses equally against all its parts, thus causing all surfaces to be equidistant from its centre.
So now you know.

According to Genesis 1:20-22 the chicken came before the egg.
So there you have it.


Sahara means desert in Arabic.
So the Sahara Desert is actually Desert x 2.

To escape the grip of a crocodile's jaws, you should push your thumbs into its eyeballs.
Might work with other animals too, but not with cyborgs and zombies.

Mary, Mary quite contrary was Mary, Queen of Scots.

A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
Why?
Because she forgot to take her pills on time.

Starfish don't have brains.
Sometimes I feel like I'm the only jelly fish in a starfish sanctuary.

A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
But you can...after you push your thumbs through its eyeballs and escape with your life.
Although the now blind croc might not be able to get affronted by your tongue.

It is illegal to be a prostitue in Siena, Italy, if your name is Mary.
On the other hand it's quite ok to be a contrary queen.Even in Italy.

A group of hippopotmuses(or hippopotami) is called a bloat.
When women say they feel bloated, that's how they are feeling.

It takes four hours to hard boil an ostrich egg.
Out of which you spend three hours trying to run away from the ostrich mother.

A group of owls is called a parliament.
I thought the parliament usually had jackasses and hyenas and blood sucking leeches.

Trivial Jokes:Take trivia and add a punchline.
And then add another...everyday.
That's what they taught me at improv class.

I excel at the writing part...churning mediocre jokes that appeal to the lowest common denominator(or so I'm told)...but it's the delivery that's killing me...
instead of my audience.

Maybe I should try Vogon poetry.