Obscene

Obscene.
The word rattled on in my head constantly as I saw that the end was nigh.

Death is foreshadowed by indignity.

Indignity in terms of infirmity,frailty and debility.

Before death, indignity reduces life to gross obscenity.

Moti was a proud dog.

Emphasis on the 'was'.

So proud that even when his legs collapsed he wanted to be taken out so that he could relieve himself.

It was obscene that this once strong and muscular dog was reduced to a bag of bones.

It was obscene strength had drained out only from his body, leaving his mind lucid yet helpless.

It was obscene that all the love and medicines in the world could not help him cheat death, or that we did not allow him to cheat indignity.

Two years ago his kidneys had failed and most of the doctors had written him off, giving a month at the most to live, except mom.

She believed in the power of love and prayer.I was on a ship, so I could not witness a miracle as it happened,but to every ones disbelief, Moti recovered fully.

We tried to recruit love and prayer to work another miracle in our favour, to extend Moti's life beyond the fourteen odd years that he had been with us.

We showered him with kisses and drenched him with all the love we could muster.We fought through the apathy usually reserved for old dogs such as him by doctors and vets alike.

Oh yes we fought through the apathy...

'Put him to sleep, he's just a dog, and an old one at that' was the most common response by professionals who were trained to heal and alleviate pain and suffering of mute creatures.

Apathy, Apathy,Apathy!

At times we were disgusted by the profound lack of sympathy and empathy.

It was obscene that the doctors suggested euthanasia even when he was walking about and eating his food unassisted.

Love did not perform miracles, around this time...or maybe it did, by easing Moti's slowly ebbing existence.                                    I can only speculate on such imponderables.

A few days ago, an overdose by a trusted doctor rendered him paralytic.

It was obscene that the doctor did not think it necessary to apologise or even to care.

It was obscene that once he was paralysed, his body condition  progressively went downhill while his mind was fully functional and lucid.

The fear in his eyes at his own helplessness was obscene.

Our helplessness despite doing everything we could was obscene too.

It was obscene that we didn't know what to do, and even the doctors that we trusted so much,were at best groping in the dark, prescribing different cocktail combinations of antibiotics and medicines, and hoping that something would happen.

Today,yet another cocktail combination of drugs were given, in hopes to regain mobility,regain hope or even regain a little bit of the lost dignity.

He was barely breathing,and moaning as he did.

I had held his hand as the cocktail concoction was intravenously fed into him.His body became damp and cool after sometime.

He started shuddering and then convulsing, losing all control over his bowels and bladder.

It was Indignity, heralding the approach of death...through obscenity.

Then in a silent swoop,death took over.

A pallid calmness set over Moti's face, and his eyes lost their sheen and became milky pale.

Moti had left the building,
But not our hearts.

Hey Moti, you are free now...wherever you are.

 

 

And Moti you were the best dog we've ever had...and we'll keep you alive for as long we can .(If you can se me now, I'm crying as I write this)