Mercy

True human goodness, in all its purity and freedom, can come to the fore
only when its recipient has no power. Mankind's true moral test, its
fundamental test (which lies deeply buried from view), consists of its
attitude towards those who are at its mercy: animals. And in this respect
mankind has suffered a fundamental debacle, a debacle so fundamental that
all others stem from it.



I suffer from a deep tumult in my conscience when I see animals suffer.

It is my destiny that takes me towards animals.Perhaps it is my calling.

Even out at sea ,I'm forced by my conscience to help them.



To me, kindness towards animals is the guage of human goodness.If you don't
like animals, I don't like you.If you are unkind to animals , I will hate
you .

If you are intentionally cruel to animals, I just might lose control over
myself, and act with utter disregard to all and any consequences !



After seeing two whale carcasses in the span of two weeks, I didn't know
what to make of it.

Was it an ill omen , a sign of things to come in the near future ?

There was an unfortunate sparrow stuck onboard.

It had come on board somehow and before it realized , it was too far away
from land and unable to return. It would try to get inside the accomodation.
It would repeatedly butt itself into the huge window panes of the Navigation
Bridge testing relentlessly to find out ways in which it could breach the
hermetically sealed accomodation. When tired , it would sit on the railings
in front of the bridge windows and stare at me.It's stare was cold , direct
and accusatory, asking for its pound of flesh for some vague transgression
that I did not commit.



"I'm sorry I killed her" was all I could say. When I couldn't forgive
myself, how could I ask forgiveness from someone else ?



To assuage my conscience I tried to feed it with bread crumbs and nuts and
grams and pulses and rice. There was always a cup of fresh water waiting for
it .But the sparrow would not have any of it. It did not want food or
water.(or rather ,it did not want the food that I offered)But it would
continue butting it's tiny body against the glass panes with relentless
fervour. And it would continue its accusatory staring.



So much so that, I finally acquiesed and opened the starboad bridge wing
door wide open and waited for it.

A few minutes later we were drenched by the sudden rain squalls that struck
the ship.

Without realizing my memories wandered to the events of my last ship...

I had the good fortune of joining my last ship in my own hometown of
mangalore.

As the ship departed we found that we had a stowaway onboard.



A crow had boarded and was refusing to fly away. Perhaps he too was seduced
by the prospect of seeing the rest of the world ,like I once was.



Like all the seamen in the world, the crow would soon be disillusioned.



Can disillusionment be the first step to enlightenment ?



When you ask yourself

"Is that all there is ?" ,

recognize
that this is the first step over the ledge of self delusion. The dark
precipice that you stare at down below from this ledge is the unknowningness
of reality. So get a good bungee cord and strap yourself tightly and take
the dive.Let the bungee cord do the rest !



A man should visit reality infrequently and briefly, lest he lose the
delicate equlibrium over his sanity.



So for whatever reasons the crow had boarded on the ship , it too had found
itself trapped , too far away from land and going nowhere .The crow, my only
fellow mate from my town found it hard to survive on the ship.



Which leads us to the basic question about viewpoints, namely, in other
words What is a ship ?

To a crow , a ship is a barren steel island in
the middle of nowhere, which is going nowhere, with nothing to eat and
drink, and with no escape.

It drank water whenever it rained and soon it ate whenever we humans felt
like feeding it.

It developed a strong bond with the chief mate's wife who was kind enough to
feed it once a day with bread crumbs and pieces of chapatis.

The bond was so strong that the crow promptly returned to the ship as we
were departing Australia, eventhough it had a good chance of survival ashore
than at sea.



Things took a turn to worse when it was decided by the powers that be (i.e
the owners of the ship and the charterers) that we were to go to Korea
.Korea in December is as cold as it is hot in Australia (in December)

The crow spent many miserable days and nights without the mercy of the chief
mate's wife, on whom it had placed its entire reserve of trust, so much so
that it would appear beside her at her beckoning, because it was too cold
for her to venture out. I tried to feed it but without avail as the crow
would fly away and the bread crumbs and chapatis I kept would become soggy
and eventually be washed away.



Pardon my repeated digression, but this paragraph outlines the sketchy
realationship between reality and denouement. In real life , unlike fiction
, we are repeatedly subjected to what I call "Crappy Denouement", or to put
it more elegantly an "Unsatisfactory Denouement".The most satisfactory
denouement that occurs in real life is death, for we see nothing beyond it.
Apart from that one can agree that in most other cases , life is one long
series of Crappy Denouements .



The preceding paragraph was just a setup, to prepare you for the harshness
of reality.



One fine day, in the middle of the sea, on the way to Korea , the rain had
let up and I could no longer find the crow onboard.

If you as a reader demand explanations that would satisfy your sense of
curiosity or give you a sense of closure , then I'd be forced to guess that
the crow died in the storm that broke out on the previous night or even lie
to make you happy that the crow had found an island where it could live and
now lives there happily with a new found mate.But the truth is that I DON'T
KNOW.



That , my dear reader is Crappy denouement.Welcome to reality !



I must again issue another declaration that the preceding paragraph was a
subterfuge , it was another setup , to prepare you for the harsh mundanity
of reality.



All the bread crumbs I had left for the sparrow and the cup of water I had
positioned so carefully was left untouched. The heavy rainsqualls washed
away all the soggy bread crumbs .And as for the sparrow itself, I could not
find it again.



It was Crappy Denouement
all over again.



An old Indian Jataka story goes something like this...


Once upon a time, a man saw a sage , an old and wizened rishi trying to save
a scorpion from drowning in the river. The sage would try to cup the
drowning scorpion with his hands and save it , but the scorpion would sting
him and begin drowning again.

This went on for a while and finally the exasperated man said

"Arre oh wise rishi ! Can't you see the futility of your actions ?

Don't you know that it is in the scorpion's nature to sting anyone, even if
that person is trying to save its life ?"



To that the wise old rishi replied

"O wise man !Though you have determined the true nature of the scorpion you
have failed to take notice that it is in my nature to save the scorpion !"



Thus , our actions stem from our nature, and perhaps that was what prompted
me once again to take action.



I found a half dead blue finch leaning weakly on the starboard liferaft.

It did not fly away when it saw me approach.

I gently took the bird in my cupped hand and warmed its tiny body. It did
not protest as I took it inside and gave it a drop of water. The bird would
not survive the night. I kept some bread crumbs and pulses and a dead
dragonfly next to it. I placed a large bowl of water and it took another sip
of water.

I made a soft little nest with a few rags and placed it in a warm and dry
area.

I left it there so that it could die in peace.

Thus , I did what my nature dictated.


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