To Vikas 3/0

Hi Vikas 

Kate Russell gives us her latest selection of the best sites on the World Wide Web.





Love Earth



The BBC is not responsible for the content of external internet sites.



We can sometimes forget the wonders planet Earth has to offer. Lovearth.com should help us remember what an incredible planet we inhabit.



Originally designed to coincide with the BBC film Earth, this site has grown into a resource of its own.



As you would expect with a natural history site, there are tons of gorgeous wildlife images and video from across the globe, including shots of animals on land and beneath the waves.



For more insight into how these images were created for the original film there is a really detailed blog from the film makers.



And if you want to find out about any of the wildlife featured there are enough articles and images to keep any budding David Attenboroughs happy for months.



The real gem in this site though is the animal tracking section. This follows the movements of tagged elephants, whales and polar bears. The data is linked to Google Maps so you can see the kind of terrain or where in the world these animals are.



A great site and a must for wildlife enthusiasts everywhere.





Videora iPod Converter

The BBC is not responsible for the content of external internet sites.



Apple's iPod is perhaps the most successful MP3 on the market, but with the help of some free applications, you can unlock the full potential of Apple's neat little box.



The latest generation of video iPods will allow the user to purchase and watch TV shows and movies from the iTunes store, but what about converting video files from your computer which are saved in formats that iPods do not support.



Take a trip over to Videora. This utility will only work for Windows users. Just download the Videora iPod converter 2.5 and once installed you are confronted with a simple interface.



This allows the user to convert any video file into an iPod friendly format.



Just click on the straightforward wizard and follow the step-by-step instructions for file conversion.



The utility will also auto resize video to the best possible resolution and aspect ratio for use with video iPods. A cool little app, which lets you take all of your video with you on the move.





Open Clip Art Library

The BBC is not responsible for the content of external internet sites.



So if you need a fun or flashy bit of graphics to liven up an e-mail or document a visit to the Open Clip Art Library might reap rewards.



As the name suggests this site contains 10,000 images, which are copyright free and available free for download.



You will need to sign-in to use the site, but once you have, the libraries are easy to browse by either using the search option or simply browsing the available clip art.



And if you are a graphics maestro there is also the option to add your own "works of clip-art" to the library.



Just head over to the public domain section and submit your masterpiece to the library.



If there is a particular piece of clip art you would like to see and you lack the requisite skill to make it yourself, click on the requests section and appeal to the clip art community to knock up the image you are after.

Why are men funnier that women ? I'll tell you why jerk !

Aggression 'makes men more humorous than women'
A unicycling doctor who says men are funnier than women believes he has discovered the reason why.

Humour is a form of sublimated aggression and it is fuelled by the male hormone testosterone, according to Sam Shuster, a former consultant dermatologist from Newcastle upon Tyne.

Professor Shuster based his conclusion on the reactions he provoked while pedalling round his home town. He realised that the huge number of stereoptypical and predictable responses he got revealed an underlying biological phenomenon.

Nine out of 10 people responded by gawping or waving at him, and half responded verbally – more often men than women. But there was a big difference between men and women in the nature of their responses. Men made more gags than women, and their jokes tended to be more aggressive.

Typical of the remarks was "Lost your wheel?", "Hey, do you know you have only got one wheel?" and "Couldn't you afford the other wheel?" Women tended to make encouraging, praising comments, in contrast to the men, who jeered.

Two-thirds of the comic responses from the men referred to the number of wheels and the level of aggressiveness was highest in younger age groups.

While young boys under 10 reacted with curiosity, teenagers would shout at him and try to get him to fall off. Older teenagers reacted with disparaging jokes, and young men in cars, at the peak of their virility, were particularly aggressive.

This evolved into what Professor Shuster describes as adult male humour – "repetitive, humorous, verbal put-downs, concealing a latent aggression". But the jokes diminished with age, with waning testosterone levels, as older men responded more neutrally.

Women were much more likely to praise his skill and show concern for his safety. The female response was subdued during puberty and the late teens, and then evolved into the more laudatory and concerned adult female response.

Writing in the British Medical Journal, Professor Shuster said: "The initial aggressive intent channelled the verbal response into a contrived but more subtle and sophisticated joke, in which aggression is concealed by wit. This shows how the aggression that leads to humour eventually becomes separated from it as wit, jokes and other comic forms which then take on a life of their own."

What is your self worth ?

What is your self worth ?
Sociologists try to explain the elusive woman's point of view...

"A woman’s value is based on her desirability to men in general. It has nothing to
do with how desirable you think she is. Most men, shallow beasts that we are, respond primarily to a woman’s physical attractiveness, making her value closely tied to her looks. Actually, her value will be based on her perception of her looks, which is affected by such factors as her self-esteem, her previous experiences with men, and how she feels she compares with other women.

In fact, the more attractive a woman, the greater the influence of unpredictable factors such as her self-esteem. Some extremely beautiful women have an amazing psychological challenge to keep their head on straight. From an early age, they learn many rules don’t apply to them. Men will give them access to high-status social events, money, and excitement that most women their age never get. This can raise awoman’s self-esteem if she takes these things seriously, or lower it if she doesn’t feel she deserves them.

Beautiful women can find themselves irrationally hated by other women, and other people often treat them as if they are one-dimensional sex objects. Unless they have strong personalities or strong family and peer networks, many extremely attractive women end up a little bit loopy. Some pretty women think they are bombshells. Some bombshells think they are average. Some actually think they are ugly and focus on their perceived flaws.

Moreover, a woman’s value can change quite rapidly based on her social context. Put an attractive female in a room full of plain women and she may feel beautiful. Put her in a room full of supermodels and she
may feel average. She may feel beautiful again if she gets a job waitressing at a trendy club and routinely flirts with high-value men – until she gets off work. A new outfit or a haircut may raise her value. Seeing her ex-boyfriend with a beautiful woman may lower it and so on.
All of this serves to illustrate that a woman’s value might be very different from how attractive you think she is.

So then...how is a man evaluated by a woman ?

When you first meet a woman, she will assume that you have roughly the same value as other men she has met in similar situations. If you are a stranger approaching her at a bar, she may notice your clothes, body language, and general appearance, but she is likely to lump you in with the armies of low-value strangers who have approached her at bars before. Thus, she will assume you have low value until you prove her wrong. This partly explains why many women will be more curious about a man in an
exclusive VIP section of a difficult-to-get-into lounge than about someone at a generic bar. You probably think this way too. Imagine meeting someone at Stephen Speilberg’s house.

All things being equal, you would probably assume that they have more going for them than someone you met on a street corner.
Nonetheless, the social context in which you meet a woman does not matter all that much."

Final Note: Attraction for a man is like an on/off switch. Most men are either attracted to someone or they are not. For a woman, attraction is a continuous process, like putting air in a balloon. Doing things that create attraction is like blowing air in the balloon. When you “tone it down” and stop blowing into the
balloon it will gradually and imperceptibly leak air. If you let enough air leak out without refilling it, the attraction becomes stale. It’s extremely hard to rebuild it at this stage; she’ll go looking for other balloons instead. Make sure you periodically refresh her attraction to you throughout your interaction with her.

Make Boobs Bigger in Photoshop Video

http://lazykiller.com/index~id~8508.htm

The Bureau of Communication - Fill-in-the-blank Correspondence

http://www.bureauofcommunication.com/compose/apology

Chasing Ghosts

It happened before I knew it .Five minutes in the chart room and out I see a flashing light right ahead at a distance of about half a mile.Pitch black night and a poorly radar reflective wooden hull had rendered the fishing boat invisible-until now.

It happened before I knew it...It felt like the fishing boat had materialized out of nowhere.And I began chasing ghosts.
Chasing ghosts is what we seafarers do best apart from not throwing up when the vessel is rolling and pitching violently.

Keep a proper lookout at all times , states Rule 5 of COLREGS , our Rules of the Road.

This I quote from memory
"Every vessel shall at all times keep a proper lookout by sight and hearing as well as by all available means appropriate in the prevailing circumstances and conditions so as to make a full appraisal of the situation and of the situation and of the risk of collision"

And so we are constantly on the lookout for things that are not there , because they just might be .

Keep a good lookout at sea ,my friend.Neptune's domain is moody .She hides ghosts where you least expect them.Keep looking- there might be unlit fishing boats , keep searching-phantom vessels might be adrift , keep looking ...unlit buoys are a hazard, keep looking , keep searching...there are ships with bored duty officers who want to play a dangerous game of 'chicken'...
Keep looking , keep searching , keep hunting , keep chasing -it is your duty to be alert , it is your duty to be vigilant , it is your duty to be paranoid.Keep hunting for ghosts my friend .They're not there-but they just might be.

While staring at the radar monitor sometimes one zones out.

What was that ?...

Is there something out there ?...

Fluorescent green echoes paint and glow on the screen only to fade away , dissolve into nothingness.Listen to the winds howl...there are no sirens serenading out at sea...they are wailing at their loneliness.Listen again...cup your ears, come closer...the VHF radio crackles and hisses periodically , speaking in an unintelligible tongue.On some dark stormy nights , the hisses and crackles of static begin to make sense...a message from the great beyond...Be afraid ...the ghosts have you.Beware .Do not trust the machines either.There are ghosts in the machine just as there are ghosts just beyond the horizon.Waiting...

Temp:
Dry :+10 deg c
Wet:+5 deg c.
Dew Point :-3 deg c.
Location :
Lat :31 deg 36 min North
Long:127 deg 13 min East.

It's cold and miserably windy.Quite a contrast to the sunny Australia we just departed from.

Rough seas , large waves with foamy white crests and swells over three metres...northwesterly winds that send shivers down your spine...this sun casting a pale shadow on the thick grey oppressive clouds...furious waves crashing into the hull and erupting as a spray of fine salty mist ...these should paint a good enough picture to you about my present condition.
A pair of seagulls glide over the choppy seas in tandem , often soaring high and then crashing into the deep blue sea.They emerge out -chasing flying fish - only to fail repeatedly. And then Repeat...Rinse and Repeat , as desired...rinse and repeat , their cycle of life continues.

Fishing boats pass so close that one can smell the days catch from the bridge.

Of course I'm exaggerating .

They pass so close that one can actually make out the features of the fishermen all huddled up , waiting patiently for time to dissolve.

I'm totally wrong.

A week ago , a month ago , a year ago if you'd have asked me , I'd say I'd be scared shitless at the sight of so many fishing boats .

I'm not .

I surprisingly remain calm and confident.

Chasing ghosts has made me stronger.Chasing ghosts makes you lose fear to certain extent.
Alone on the bridge for hours together , staring at the endless sea in her various moods , chasing ghosts , hunting them makes one stronger.


And then it happend.

It felt like the fishing boat had materialized out of nowhere.A Ghost.

My mind screamed for immediate action and my body followed.I altered hard to starboard, ran back to the chart room to check for sufficient sea room and proximity of navigational hazards , and ran back out to monitor ghostly fishing boat.I was still searching for an echo to be painted on the radar screen but it never did.
As the expression goes ,I was now forced to steer by the seat of my pants, ...Anxious...it was a matter of saving lives. Including my own.

The fully laden ship groaned and lumbered sluggishly to the starboard.I watched in relief as the fishing boat passed safe and unharmed but uncomfortably close.

I was thankful.Chasing ghosts just saved two lives, including my own.



Chasing ghosts-hunting them , is a necessary obsession.One wrong move and the ghost will claim you and haunt you forever.

So take my advice .While chasing ghosts, be relentless- though you will face your demons on your way, they are nothing more than distractions.

Be strong, be brave - these demons can be defeated...for you have the power .
Remember ....but do not forget the ghosts.
You may think I'm paranoid- but you'll thank me later when you've found them where you've least expected them.


For all of you who I missed to wish,
A Merry X-mas and a Happy New Year
Vikas
Bontang , Indonesia

The Donkey and the Seaman

Once upon a time , in a kingdom far far away, the king had a pet donkey.The royal donkey , which held a title of 'The First Donkey ' ,or 'Your Assness' was a stubborn petulant spoiled pet , as is the case with most members of the royal family.

One day , the king , announced a kingdom wide competition called 'Make the donkey shake his head without touching it and win a million smackeroos*'.The title of the competition was self explanatory.
While no one knew why this particular competition was held , it was generally known that most kings had their way with their whims and fancies.But the citizens of the kingdom were far more motivated by the million smackeroos .Most of these had made plans of cashing in these smackeroos and emigrating to the neighbouring kingdom , where the king was not eccentric enough to hold competitions that required any ass head shaking.

When the competition began , many assumed it to be a walk in the park. Eager participants thought that all they had to do was dangle a carrot in front of the ass, and they would claim the million smackeroos.(most of them got the wrong end of the ass though !)
Thus , many came , many tried and many failed.The stubborn donkey would not even bat an eyelid or occasionally shake its tail to shoo away the flies.

Usually , at the end of such stories , comes the denouement in the form of a character who somehow manages to complete the aforementioned mission impossible in a tottaly novel and implausible way, and win the competition.

At this point in the story, some of you would have glanced at the title and killed the suspense for yourselves...Now tell me ...How does it feel ?Does it feel like spoilt milk or jockstrap itch ?You let me know.
Coming back ...Enter Seaman stage right.
The seaman walked confidently towards the donkey and whispered into its ear.
Lo !Behold ! The First Donkey began shaking its head , vigorously , in fear , till it got a Royal case of Whiplash.
Sadly due to some unforeseen complications,the First Donkey had to be put to sleep.

It was later reported by the local newspaper that king , alarmed by the violent reaction of his royal ass, had the seaman immediately arrested and hanged within a week.

What was not reported was that the seaman was interrogated and tortured by the Kingdom Far Far Away Secret Service in hopes that he would reveal his method of inducing terror in unsophisticated animals like donkeys.

The seaman's last words before getting executed were cryptic, and went something like this "I just asked him if he'd like to join the sea "

Pessimism is all around.Things aren't what they used to be , lament the old salts .All newcomers are derisively asked the same question."Didn't you find anything better ashore that you came here to waste your life ?'
Half of the crew wants to quit this life as soon as possible .They also want to drag the other half along with them.

Everyone has their own reasons.
The master wants to quit because his wife is expecting .The First mate , because he is newly married and misses his wife.The Able seaman wants to quit because this job and the money earned so far has given his family stability and security , but the family has moved on now.
Everybody wants to quit because of their personal reasons along with many general ones.Shorter port stays , increasingly stringent regulations, criminalization of seafarers, rampant commercialization , increase in responsibilities , stress and the wealth of options ashore , where one can spend his nights with his family at least.

This is a strange situation where demand and supply are threatening to become inversely proportional.No one knows how the shipping industry will tackle the twin problems of explosive boom of the industry and acute shortage of manpower together.

The Donkey and the seaman, or many of its variations are making rounds of the seafaring community.Having already heard three versions of this joke , the author would like to present his own.

It is fair to say that a career at sea is not for everyone.He must be able to deal with considerable responsibility right from the start.The officers ensure the safety of their ships, their shipmates and the environment Apart form safety , the officers and crew are also responsible for cargo that can be valued around 100 million USD or more .

The author would like to state that , although this career and lifestyle can be tough and stressful at times , working on board a ship offers a truly unique and stimulating lifestyle, at good wages and leave options.

One just requires the right temperament and attitude and a healthy degree of masochism are required to survive in this field.

So don't let the donkey dishearten you.After all it was just a royal pain in the ass.

Dead Inside

03/01/2008

I will have to note down the date somewhere because this was the day I died.

Late in the evening I was showering with the hot water in full blast.The entire bathroom had steamed up .The steaming water sprayed mercilessly , heating the body , numbing the senses.Closing my eyes , I stuck my head under the shower head.

Searing hot pinpricks of steaming water.
Oblivion.
Bliss of numbness.
I'm lovin' it !

Something prompted me to look into the mirror.As I cleared the steamed up surface , a lifeless face stared back at me , with empty eyes.A surprising revelation came to me - Something had just died inside me today.

I walked out , dazed ,naked, dripping water all over the floor, and began writing this.

I realize this was not the first time it had happened.I was dead inside before.I shower thrice daily , just so that the dead does not stink up the place.HA HA ! Pathetic attempts at being funny aside , I realized I was dead inside before.
But it is a phoenix...it dies and regenerates, only to die again and complete the circle of life.

I'm a zombie , an android , a soulless beast.

"It's for your own good " whispers a raspy , voice in my head.I've never heard this voice before...or Maybe I have , one of those nights , waking up and screaming, ."Duck , Duck , Feint , Feint , Jab , Jab , Left Hook , Right uppercut , Block , Block ,Block...BANG ! You're DEAD ! ...Now play possum , my dear ...." the voice rasps again.

Time is a healer .Time moves on .Time don't wait for anyone.
All it takes is a little time for the phoenix to arise, to soar with my soul, make me light inside.
Strangely the emptiness is comforting - it gives me more space to hide inside.

"Time is a healer"rasps the voice.

Time is an illusion.Nonexistent - I argue.The voice remains silent.

I'm left alone.
I'm empty.
I'm Numb.

I'm a zombie , an android , a soulless beast.

I'm dead.

I'm waiting.