The Vegetarian Joke

People ask me why I'm a vegetarian.

I have the same answer every time 'I don't eat dead animals'

That's a joke.

Some people get it.
Some don't.
The ones that don't usually take grave offense.
Or pretend to.

The ones that do get the joke, try to top it...

After pondering a while,
they say
'...So do you eat living animals?'

What a brilliantly unoriginal comeback!

I stifle my yawn and say....

'Only the ones that ask too many questions'

Some people get it.
Some don't.

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Did He Just Say That? : Men are Boobs

Women take note.

Men love boobs.(not the stupid kind)

Men love tits.(Again...not the flying kind)

Your boyfriend,lover or husband ,at times wil act like he owns them
even though they are attached to you.

Learn to live with it.


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Hey Betty!

Hey Betty!
You know what...

Ah! Chuck it...

Come to think of it,
you are not really a Betty,
even if you think so.

Betty loved Archie,
obsessed over him...

Where is your Archie?

Can you honestly(to yourself and not anyone else)
name one Archie in your life,
for whom you were Betty?

Don't be petty,
Betty was defined by a longing for Archie,
and in all ways you are defined
by his utter lack.

You are not even the girl next door...
who has her feet planted firmly on the ground
and her heads out of the clouds
The girl next door is easy to be around.

Besides,
its dangerous to identify
with Betty,Veronica,Archie,Jughead

or

Monica,Chandler,Ross or Rachel for that matter.

They are characters whose strengths and weaknessess are penned by a
bunch of writers who are out to milk the maximum emotions out the
audience...They are characters with no real control over their
destiny.

The story of your life is written by you (I hope ).
You have more control over your destiny than comic book and sitcom
characters.(I hope)
You have the power to free yourself from your limitations.(I pray)

You have a choice not to be Betty
(or for that matter,to continue whining that
you are Betty)

You have a choice to be yourself.
Your best self.

(Think About it:Being yourself is neither a Multiple Choice Question
nor is it a true/false question.The only choice you have is to be
yourself,so why not be your best self?)

Add.

In my mind Archie would marry Betty,Reggie would marry
Veronica,have affairs with each others spouses and be miserable the
rest of their lives.Jughead would eventually come out of the
closet-declaring his eternal & undying love for Archie, and later
commit suicide by cruising in the public restroom and being beaten to
death by a homophobic undercover cop.Ethel would become a
supermodel-because now...ugly is the new beautiful,and ethel fits the
bill.Dilton would hatch an ambitious plan to overthrow and end the
global tyranny of Google,only to be hunted and killed by
Gooborg-3000(a Google Cyborg that looks like Pamela Anderson
Lee).Dilton dies with a smile on his face as he is crushed between the
breasts of Gooborg-3000(now available in lavender and fuchsia,and
powered by Android).
Moose gets Midge pregnant on senior prom night and they drop their
college plans to take care of the baby...dashing all hopes of a
bright(?) future.Moose joins a construction company-gets laid of in
the recession and comes home everyday drunk and beats his wife.Midge
contemplates having an affair with Reggie to hurt Moose.
Everyone of the Riverdale High faculty dies a lonely death at their
retirement homes where they lie forgotten by the world.

Yeah...I like to spread the happiness.

If you don't like that one...I have one more...Archie marries
Veronica,who dies following complications of childbirth.The child
grows up to be ten,and then reads old letters written by her mom about
a girl named betty,who once was in love with Archie.The ten year old
then hatches an elaborate and complicated plan to bring back Archie
and Betty, and restore their happiness.
Oh...In between everybody sings and dances a lot,and there will be a
lot of rain and a cute kid that likes to count stars.
Be rest assured,Archie marries Betty,they quickly have kids of their
own and Veronica's daughter is ignored into ignominy and treated badly
by her step mother and step sisters who like to constantly step on her
like she was a foot mat outside a bus station.She waits for a prince
charming to rescue her and dies an old maid.
Moral of the story :Everybody dies eventually.

Oh How I love happy endings!

(Karan Johar and SRK are outside with crowbars and hockey
sticks...apparently they didn't like my version of The Archies)

--
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Distraction

Maybe I shouldn't look at you when we're dancing.I keep forgetting my
steps.Your so cute that its distracting.

She giggled.

She said she's never heard that one before.

That's because it's not a line,I said.

She giggled again.Maybe she blushed,but I didn't notice.

I was wondering that Maybe it should be a line.


--
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Did He Just Say That? :Tame Cat

Tame Cat
---------

It rests me to be among beautiful women
Why should one always lie about such matters?
I repeat:
It rests me to converse with beautiful women
Even though we talk nothing but nonsense
but the purring of the invisible antennae
Is both stimulating and delightful


-Ezra Pound!

Definition

I cannot define 'Me'
A definition is constant,
which I am anything but

In online profiles of people
in the things written about themselves
one can usually find song snippets,
witticisms or long rambling prose of self indulgence.

I tried doing all those.

After a while I realized that it wasn't me anymore.

The song snippet lost it's special meaning.
The witticisms seemed tired after a while.
The long rambling prose seemed to be an immature rant.

I was no longer what I was before.
I had become more.

I was anything but constant.

I am anything but constant.

I am more than what I was before.
And there is more to come.




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Cliche

If you disagree that a cliche is a literary device, then think again.

Cliche is the strongest ally of a mediocre (such as
yours truly), who when in a quicksand plot uses the nearest cliche
available to haul himself out, or the gutless who is afraid to defy
norms and conventions, or the one who lacks sensitivity or subtelity,
so all he can do is rehash cliches that he has seen done before, or
someone who has very low regards to the intelligence of his audience
and does not trust them to understand his work or him through his
work, or finally it is someone who lacks self confidence in his
ability to convey understated nuances.

The mark of a genius is that his work is always far more intelligent than him.
The art is smarter than the artist.
It says more than what the artist meant to say.

We know this intuitively, but achieving unintentional
briliance is often impossible and out of reach of the mediocre.

Unintentional brilliance sometimes creeps upon a mediocre
writer only to frustrate him for the rest of his life by being
maddeningly elusive.

Mark of a genius is in the repeat performances,the second
winds and new beginnings into unexplored vistas.(Wow , I've already
slipped in a lot of trite cliches in such a short passage...VISTA is
dead,long live LONGHORN)

But there is that profound dissatisfaction, a feeling that it could be
be done better...

No artist is pleased. . . . [There is no] satisfaction whatever at any
time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest
that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others."

—Martha Graham to Agnes de Mille, Martha: The Life and Work of Martha Graham

I agree , I feel more alive (I don't know about the others),I feel
more alive than I was before.

Here's a paradox to ponder upon:Your history keeps changing all the
time,while your future never does.

In the end , I'm not as worried of what I've not seen than what I've
already forgotten.

Turn back now and see with eyes wide open.
yes...Now!

A second look at life with a brand new pair of eyes and a fresh perspective
(or a fresh pair of eyes and a brand new perspective) - that's where
cliches die and genius is born.

(Hah! And you thought I could not tie the ends neatly...well not as
neatly as I hoped,but whatever works ...works for me)


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