Tuesday, June 29, 2010

I just got threatened!

Date:29 jun 2010
Time:Around 16:30

A big fat guy comes to our apartment with four other guys and starts banging the door.

I ask him what he wants.He shouts that he wants to come in.

I ask him why.

He says he wants to show the apartment to a client of his.

I refuse.

He starts hollering obscenities and threatens to 'beat me like a dog ' at night if I don't open the door.

I tell him that I will open the door only if the owner is present.

He says that he is the owner of the apartment. 

I am amused now.I tell him that since he is the owner he should open the door with his key.

He just starts banging the door louder.

My room mate decides not to come out of his locked room the entire time.Later he tells me that he didn't come because he hadn't heard anything.Somehow I don't believe him.

On of the 5 guys starts begging me to open the door.

I still refuse.

They all scurry away for a few minutes. 

I make noodles and shave my 2 day old beard.

My shaving is rudely interrupted by more loud banging of the door.

The big fat guy starts yelling "Abbey maderchod, raat ko nikal, tujhe kutte ke tarah maroonga"

Somehow I find all this amusing.

The owner is still nowhere to be seen, even though the fat guy is hurling obscenities and threatening physical violence.I found that unnerving.

Finally a guy speaks in english.
He says that he just wants to look at the house because he is buying the house on the third floor.
He seems to be a decent guy.

I tell him that I'll let them in only if they send the big fat guy down and far away.

I figured that they wouldn't have come to steal from us knowing that the guy openly threatened me in front of everybody.

So I open the door and they come in and I tell them to keep their shoes outside and come in.They obey my request politely and come in, and the guy who spoke in english warns me not to fall in between these guys because they are dangerous.

They look around the house for a minute or so and leave.

My room mate still does not emerge out.

I'm still cooling when I finally notice my room mate emerge out.He asks me what happened.I tell him the entire story.He appears shocked.He suggests that we go to the police.

I say that first we talk to the owner, because I sense something fishy.

I see the owner from my first floor window.I call him and briefly explain the events.He says that he will look into it, but he is not too enthusiastic.

I feel uneasy at the owners reaction, and after a few minutes I call my room mate to say that I'm going down to talk with the owner in private.I also told him that he didn't have to come if he didn't want.he said that he would come.

We went down and then we find out...the big fat guy is the owner's nephew...

No wonder!

He promised us that he would be taken care of.

I told him that I would have to report to the police if he even came near me the next time.

That's all

Sunday, June 20, 2010

I'm not here yet

Everyday I walk into the world with a profound lack of confidence in myself.

The quintessential question being 'Am I Good Enough?'.

Am I good enough for today?
Am I good enough for my job?
Am I good enough for all the people I'll meet?

Am I good enough for my past, 
for the life that I live now, 
or my destiny that awaits me?

Am I good enough for this world?

I must confess,I am a man of many faces, 
of many masks.

These different faces of mine, the masks that I hide behind are not fake, but only reflect all my possibilities...some good, some bad, some in between.

Everyday I put on a grand show for the world and for myself...the actor in me plays his part-the silent warrior,cocksure,supremely confident, unharnessed intelligence...and these roles come easily, almost unrehearsed-for the actor in me has been playing the same role for years.

But I fear...

I'm constantly paralysed with fear that one day all my faces will be gone and all my masks will be stripped away and I will have nothing to hide behind but my core self...and that this core self will be judged and found lacking in all respects, that my core self will be outed as being not good enough.

Maybe that's the only reason that I hesitate to open myself to anyone else, instead longing for loneliness and the safety of solitude.

I remember a life of solitude, lived a few years ago...where I convinced myself that I was happy, and justified it with meaningless structured routines and a hollow day to day existence.Bits and pieces of that former life came floating by as I was zipping across the night sky with the silhouettes of trees and skyscrapers passed by me.I saw you lift your arm and wave as your face lit up with the sense familiarity that I must have evoked.I saw your face drop as I passed without even a hint of slowing down.
I saw you.
I just didn't want to stop for you...

I promised myself a different life when I realised that my past happiness was nothing but a lie...but the dangerous path of self examination might tell me that even this happiness that I possess so tenuously might be nothing but a mirage.

Then is this what is holding me back, not letting me go completely, not letting me surrender to the will of something far more superior...because of the belief that this is not where I'm supposed to be? 

Life is elsewhere...or it seems like that.

These days there is more of a void in me than myself...and the lacuna keeps growing, sucking my essence into it and into nothingness-leaving behind husk, a functioning shell of my former self.

If you miss me while I'm with you, its not your fault.

I have to tell you this because its not your fault that you miss me...for I'm not here yet.

I keep holding onto the belief that life is elsewhere...and a part of me is out there, roaming the great unexplored else-where's searching for what it can never find.

I'm not here yet, because another part of me is still stuck in the past hoping that the good old days were where life is(or was).

I'm not here yet...parts of me are just as lost as what you see in front you.

I'm not here yet...but if you care to wait, it might give me the strength to return to myself.


The End of Men

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2010/07/the-end-of-men/8135

Issendai's Superhero Training Journal - How to keep someone with you forever

http://issendai.livejournal.com/572510.html
Sounds like a Cult Mind Control System

The Science of Love and Sex - MSN Relationships - article

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlematch.aspx?cp-documentid=24375075&Gt1=32023

Sunday, June 13, 2010

The real reason

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/14/world/asia/14minerals.html?hp

Transformer Owl

http://blogs.discovery.com/animal_oddities/2010/05/transformer-owl.html

Texting and Driving: TOO GRISLY>>>DONT SEE IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH

http://truckinroadtrips.com/texting_and_driving.htm

Rent a White Guy - Magazine - The Atlantic

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2010/07/rent-a-white-guy/8119
Whiteys have all the fun...even in China

Potentiality knocks on the door of my heart.

I never write what I'm supposed to be writing.

A long overdue apology letter to a girl for not calling her, not talking to her, not meeting her and basically ignoring her and acting like an asshole...That's what I'm supposed to be writing right now.

Instead I write this.

Potentiality knocks on the door of my heart.

I woke up late today, almost at noon, with a parched up throat and a terrible headache.

The maid had let herself in and out.In between she had cooked something for me in the kitchen...I didn't bother to check what it was.

I wore a freshly pressed parrot green t-shirt and an old pair of faded blue denim jeans, brushed my teeth(I think) and let myself out after washing and drying my face.

I didn't know where I was heading, but I knew that I had to get out of the house and if possible, out of my head.I headed towards the train station which was about ten minutes away, but then realised that today being sunday, the trains would be stopped on harbour line from eleven to four in the evening.

So I retraced my path back, still not undecided on where to go...and I walked towards the bus stop.

Immediately I noticed several things.

One girl with her mother...cute(not the mother, but the daughter)

Two girls-young-perhaps in their teens, with guitars in their hands sitting leisurely, chatting with each other.

The girl and her mother both stare at me for a few seconds as I wait on the other side of the street to cross the road.

The guitar girls both stare at me and whisper and giggle amongst each other for they are sure that I will come to them and talk to them.They are right.I wanted to ask one of them if any buses went to vashi from that stop.

With the mom-daughter combo the strategy is simple-

                                                   Go sweettalk the mom.

                                                    Ignore the daughter.
                                            
                                                    No.

The daughter does not exist.Its just you and the mom.Once you've asked the mom about the bus schedule, then ease into a conversation by talking about the weather, perhaps inflation, perhaps the state of the government or college entrance cutoff marks.
While you talk to the mom, discreetly wink at the daughter and wait for her reaction.

Never openly make eye-contact with the daughter.

If the daughter still seems to want to talk to you- you then coolly ask the mom about her daughter (of course, in the most offhand and disinterested manner as possible), and while the mom is busy talking to you about her daughter, you slip in ur phone number to her and ask to give you a missed call.

As soon as she gives the missed call, you candidly ask the mom her daughter's name and then feed it to your phone and save it, while making some innocuous 

comments on her name(like how her name is similar to that of your sisters).

Its even easier with the guitar girls.Since both of them are in a public place, they will not feel threatened by you.

Rule No.1: Never make a girl physically feel threatened by you.

Since they are already giving you the classic indicators of interest, you should directly go chat with them...not forgetting your original agenda.
Asking about the bus that goes to Vashi.The answer they give is incosequential i.e it doesn't really matter whether they know if any bus goes to vashi or not.
From here it is easy to segue into a variety of topics including their guitars and their status.

Sigh.
They want me to come over and talk to them.

All this I have calculated and though out in under a minute when waiting to cross the road.

Potentiality knocks on the door of my heart.

But what do I do?

I walk away.

I remember the splitting headache and the parched throat and I walk away.

A part of me knows too well that I can get the desired results.

Another part of me doesn't want those very results.It asks 'What next?'

Somethings are best left unexlpored and un-ventured.

Status Quo feels safe.

Lets not tangle up our lives shall we.

Potentiality knocks on the door of my heart.
I just choose not to answer the call.

A day at a Fishing Village




Thursday, June 3, 2010

Just too busy being fabulous...

Mom said,"I Saw her today...and she didn't even look at me... she was being evasive                                throughout.
             
                She was acting a bit weird...as if I was invisible, especially when I tried to talk to her.

                It was as if she was trying to avoid me...

                Did you say something to her that would make her act like this?... 

                By the way, she has lost weight and looks fabulous, even though she was a little                                                           over made..."





Mom could easily be psychic about most people.
Especially when she doesn't know them that well.




                         I said, "If I have said something to her, why would she take it out on you?   

                                    She's far more mature to do such a thing.
                                   
                                    She doesn't see my image in you.

                                    Maybe she was just too busy being fabulous!"




I hope that what I said is true.
If not, there is nothing worth left to salvage. 


 
(I wish you peace.)